Memories
by A Very Crisscolfer Fangirl
Summary: Darren is at Chris birthday and is deciding whether to make a move or not. What they thought was a drunken mistake, might be the start of something special. Crisscolfer fic.
1. Chapter 1

Darren sat in a corner, just watching. Watching everyone dancing and having fun. Darren wasn't dancing, he was drinking. He had probably had his bodyweight in alcohol, but he just kept drinking. Drinking and thinking.

Three months. It had been three months since Darren had gotten his head out of his ass. Three months since he had had 'a moment' as Blaine would have called it.

_It had started out as a normal day. Darren and Chris didn't have to be on set for another hour, so they decided to hang out at Chris' trailer. Chris was looking through the script again and Darren was strumming random melodies on his guitar._

_"I still can't believe Ryan let you do this to your trailer." Darren said admiring Chris' trailer._

_Chris had it completely redecorated. The furniture was a tasteful cream color, there was a giant jukebox in the corner, a discoball was hanging at the ceiling and posters of musicals were all over the walls. Chris often had cast's parties in there._

_"I just wanted it to be a little more, I don't know, me? Besides, Ryan would let me do anything I want. I'm his golden kid, remember?"_

_Darren just hummed in response, still playing every song that popped up in his head. Right then that may or may not have been 'lucky'._

_Chris started humming along. Darren noticed and started singing softly. Chris joined him, both of them remembered the duet of 'Quinn and Sam'. Chris sang Quinn's part because Darren couldn't reach those notes._

_Darren didn't know when it happened, he guessed halfway through the song, but at some point Chris changed in his eyes._

_Chris, who used to be his friend and his coworker suddenly became something else. Suddenly Chris looked so beautiful._

_Darren wasn't stupid, maybe a little native sometimes, but not stupid, he knew Chris was attractive. But this was a different kind of beauty. Darren just wanted to take Chris in his arms and hold him._

_Wait, what?_

Since then Darren had repeated that moment numerous times in his mind. From that moment Darren had spend every moment he could with Chris. Trying to figure out what these new feelings were. He pretty quickly figured out he really liked Chris. He really, _really_ liked him.

Darren still didn't really know what that meant. _Am I bi, maybe gay? _He didn't really care about that. What he really cared about was if Chris felt this too.

Darren thought he didn't. But then again, Chris is an incredible actor. Maybe, just maybe, Chris was hiding his feelings. After all, Darren claimed to be straight, but he had also mentioned that people don't fall in love with a gender, but with a person.

Here he was, sitting at Chris' birthday party, doing nothing. _This is pathetic! I've gotta make a move!_


	2. Chapter 2

That was when he caught a glimpse of Chris. Without thinking he stood up and made his way over to Chris. He wobbled a little on his legs, but he tried to walk as smoothly as possible.

Chris was shouting something over the music to Lea. Lea turned away and Darren stepped up to Chris and put his arm around Chris' shoulder.

"Chris this is the best party ever!" Darren screamed a little too close to Chris' ear.

"Wow Dare, your Aaron is showing." Chris giggled.

"What?" Darren looked confused.

"Never mind." Chris told him, slowly patting Darren on his back. "Dare, how much drinks have you had?" Chris looked at him a little concerned.

"Quite all l- lot." Darren admitted. _Why am I stuttering? I don't stutter when I'm drunk._

"I can see that. Come with me." Chris said, chuckling a little when Darren almost triped over his own feet.

They made it to the stairs without tripping over too many people.

"Where are we going?" Darren asked, obviously proud of himself for forming a whole sentence without stuttering.

"We're going to the bathroom to get you some aspirin." Chris answered.

"You're so responsible." Darren told him

"That's not really what a guy wants to hear at his own birthday party." Chris pointed out.

"Responsible is good, Chris. You s- should be proud of yourself. You're an amazing guy." Darren assured him while stumbling up the stairs, Chris was holding him steady.

"Can we change the subject?" Chris asked, hoping Darren would let go.

"No, you're the most awesome person I- I've ever met and I never tell you how great you truly are." Darren said in a serious tone.

They finally were upstairs and Chris led Darren to the bathroom. He put the drunk man on the edge of the bathtub.

"You really don't have to tell me." Chris said, still hoping Darren would take his word and move on.

"Of course I do, silly." Darren said, crushing Chris' hope. He watched Chris pouring a glass of water for him as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. Which Darren, at that moment, thought it was. "You are talented, sweet, funny, strong-" Darren started, but Chris cut him off.

"Here, drink this. I'll get the aspirin." He handed the glass to Darren, who took a long gulp.

Chris turned around to search in his medicine cabinet for some aspirin. He found what he was looking for and took two pills out of the strip.

He turned around only to find himself face to face with Darren.

"Hey, I- I know I'm drunk and all that. B- But I truly meant what I just said." Darren said struggling a little with his words.

_He is more wasted than I thought and it's not even that late. Someone should get him home before he does something incredibly stupid._

Since this was Darren, that wouldn't take long, but Chris didn't expect it to happen this soon nor did he expect himself to be involved.

Darren leaned in and before Chris could protest, Darren's lips were on his.

Chris' body stilled because of Darren's sudden action. Darren started moving his lips against Chris' and he was surprised how different it felt from when they had kissed as Kurt and Blaine. Chris found himself closing his eyes and leaning in to the touch.

Their lips started moving together. Darren peaked his tong out to ask for entrance, which Chris was happily granting him.

Their tongues met for the first time as Darren and Chris. Electricity grew between them. Darren cupped Chris' cheek and deepened the kiss. They moved together gently.

When the lack of oxygen became too much, they broke apart. Their eyes half lidded looking at each other. Both a little shocked, but still overwhelmed by the tingling of their lips.


	3. Chapter 3

Chris was the one to break the silence. "I'm gonna go downstairs to see if someone else needs me." He said, his voice a little shaky "Just take these and tell me if you need something, okay?" Chris put the aspirins in Darren's hand and folded his fingers around them. "Are you going to be okay?" Chris asked, looking in Darren's eyes. Darren tried desperately to avoid Chris' eyes, but he failed.

"Yeah." Darren spoke up before he could get lost in those pools of gray-blue.

"Okay." Chris said, not completely convinced by Darren's response, but he got up anyway.

Chris walked out of the bathroom, swearing under his breath for what he had gotten himself into.

_Why haven't I stopped him? Why have I kissed him back? Why has he kissed me in the first place?_

He knew the answer to the last question was _because he is drunk_.

He suddenly felt used. He knew Darren had broken up with his girlfriend about two months ago. _Girlfriend._

Chris understood that Darren had been a little lonely since then, but that was no reason to just randomly put his tongue down Chris' throat.

He decided it was for the best if he just stopped thinking about it for tonight and enjoy his birthday party. He would think this all thought tomorrow.

_Crap, tomorrow._ Tomorrow he would have to go to work. And work meant Darren. And Darren meant awkwardness.

Chris never thought he would feel uncomfortable around Darren. Things had been just easy between them from the very beginning.

He really needed to talk to Darren about this tomorrow. Maybe Darren was wasted enough to not remember anything tomorrow.

_That would be amazing, but don't get your hopes up, Chris. Darren might not even remember the lyrics to the songs he had written himself, but he never forgets something because of alcohol._

Chris came down the stairs and returned to the party. Fortunately the music and the chatting distracted him from his thoughts.

* * *

Darren watched Chris walk through the bathroom door. He was so confused about what he was feeling right now.

The kiss had felt amazing, but Chris had walked away right afterwards.

_But he had kissed me back. That was saying something, right?_

He took the aspirins Chris had given him and decided it would be best to leave. He wasn't leaving because he didn't want to see Chris. Quite the opposite. He was leaving because, now he had had a taste of Chris, he probably couldn't bring himself to stop.

He peeked into the hallway to check if Chris was still there. When he made sure Chris was downstairs he walked down the stairs and trough the front door.

Darren left without saying goodbye to anyone. He called a cab and got home without having his usual smalltalk with the cabdriver.

When he arrived home he collapsed on his bed. He didn't take his shoes off and he didn't change into his pj's. He just fell asleep right away.

* * *

After everyone had left his house, Chris got in bed. He was just laying there and staring at his ceiling.

He hadn't seen Darren after... what happened. He had probably left. Well, he had definitely left. Of course he had left.

He was searching in his memories for a clue. Anything that might give him an answer on the questions that has been zooming around in the back of his head all night.

That was when one particular memory came to him.

_Darren had just broken up with his girlfriend. No one, but Chris, knew yet. Chris had only found out because he had caught Darren sobbing in his trailer._

_They had been filming in 'the choir room' and were told to take five. Darren sat down on the piano bench. He started to press on a few keys, not really knowing what he was playing himself._

_Chris sat beside him. He didn't feel uncomfortable doing that, maybe he should. The bench was pretty small after all._

_Chris looked concerned at the man beside him. Darren's eyes were still glued to the keys._

_"Are you okay?" Chris asked in a small voice, making sure no over heard them._

_"Yeah, why?" Darren answered with fake confidence. He looked up from the piano, but not really looking at Chris. He couldn't. He would break down if he looked in those breathtakingly honest eyes._

_"Well, you seem a little distracted today." Chris explained._

_"I'm just kind of tired." _Wow Darren, lame excuse. He will totally believe that... NOT!

_"Come on, Dare. I know something is wrong. Is this about" Chris paused. He wasn't sure if he could say her name. It was probably still a sore spot. "the breakup?" He finished lamely._

_"No." Darren paused, before he realized that it actually was. "Not directly at least." He confessed._

_"What do you mean?" Chris asked._

_"I like somebody else." Darren sighed._

_"Oh, well that's pretty quick." Chris' voice sounded a little more cheerful._

_"That was the reason of the breakup." Darren told him. "She understood, I guess."_

_"Then why are you so down? She can date new guys and you can go get the girl you like." Chris tried to cheer him up._

Girl? Oh yeah, girl. Chris thinks I'm straight. But seriously, how clueless can a guy be? I have a major crush on him and I'm not the best at hiding that. _Darren thought to himself. He decided it would be best to just play along for now._

_"That's sort of more depressing." Chris gave him a questionable look. "She is completely unreachable." Darren explained._

_"Oh, come on! You're Darren freaking Criss! You can get any girl you want." Chris poked him with his elbow._

_"Not her, she's... different." Darren hated talking about Chris like he was a girl. Because he obviously was not. But he was talking _to_ Chris. _

_Darren suddenly realized how awkward this situation was. He was taking _about_ his crush, _to_ his crush. But he just couldn't feel awkward. Because this was Chris, he could never feel awkward around Chris._

_Chris tried to think of a way to comfort Darren. He just didn't know what to do. Sure, he had comforted many of his friends, who were girls, when they were going thought boy trouble. But this was different. This was _about_ a girl._

_"You know, maybe it won't work out with her current boyfriend." Chris said before he could actually think about it. He didn't mean to wish this girl something bad, but it was not like she had heard it. He didn't even know who he was talking about._

_They were called back and that was the last time they had talked about it. _

That must have been it. He probably was still a little heartbroken and the fact that he was crushing on a taken girl just made him a little needy for some kind of contact.

Yeah, it had meant nothing. But why did he feel disappointed about that? And why was he making such a big deal about this? They had kissed numerous times before.

_Chill Colfer. Nothing to worry about. Just talk to him tomorrow and you'll be laughing about it in no time._

With that thought Chris fell sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Chris was standing in front of Darren's trailer. He had been there for about five minutes. Chris had thought about the situation on his way to set.

He had decided that it would be best to just hear what Darren had to say first.

He took a breath and knocked on the door.

"It's open!" Darren shouted from inside the trailer.

Chris opened the door and stepped inside. Darren was siting in front of the mirror, struggling with a curl.

"Hey." Chris said. He looked at Darren in the mirror.

"Hi." Darren responded and turned his chair around so he was facing Chris.

"So, how is the hangover?" Chris mentally facepalmed himself. It was kind of a stupid question.

"I'm feeling pretty good, actually." Darren answered him extremely cheery. Chris smiled at that. Darren was always so enthusiastic."Those aspirins saved me."

Chris' smile fell at that. "Oh, so you remember that?" He whispered.

"Yeah, I remember all of it, actually." Darren stood up and walked over to the small couch where Chris was siting. He sat next to him and pressed his hands together.

"I think we need to talk about that." Chris sighed. _Why am I making such a big deal about this? We've kissed before. We kissed as Kurt and Blaine hundreds of times, but it is not the same._

"Yeah, but before you say anything, I've gotta tell you something first." Darren looked away from his eyes now. He looked like he was going to say something important, so Chris was just going to listen.

"Okay." Chris said and waited for Darren to continue whit what he was saying.

Darren took a deep breath and looked in to Chris' eyes again. "What happened last night wasn't a mistake. At least not for me. I've wanted to do that for quite some time now and I don't regret what I said or did. Except, you know, it took me drinking so much to do it. The truth is," he paused and thought about taking Chris' hand, but that would have been to Klaine-ish. "I have feelings for you. I know I shouldn't, but I can't stop it and I don't want it to. I understand if it's too awkward for you to speak to me again. I just needed to get it off my chest."

His gaze dropped, waiting for Chris' response, but Chris said nothing. Darren looked up and saw a very confused young man in front of him.

"Please say something?" Darren asked. He really didn't know where he was standing at the moment.

Chris still didn't say anything. Instead he leaned in and placed his lips on Darren's. Darren was a little taken aback by that, but he was absolutely not complaining.

It was much like their first kiss. Only there was no alcohol involved. Chris could finally taste Darren and instead of his drinks. And Darren was finally kissing Chris sober. They both could only describe it as absolutely amazing.

Chris broke the kiss by untangling his tongues from Darren's._ Wait, when did that happen?_

Darren looked in his eyes and smiled. "Okay, no talking is good." He nodded. "No talking is great. Please never talk again."

"Don't be silly, I came here to talk." Chris sat up a little straighter so their faces weren't so close anymore.

"Right." Darren had to shake his head for a moment to focus again. Chris chuckled at that.

"What does this mean?" Chris asked and waved one hand between the two of them. "What's next? Are we gonna pretend it never happened or-" Darren cut him off.

"I wanna give it a try." He said quickly. "If you want that too." He added but more slowly. He wanted Chris to think that he could keep himself in control, but he really couldn't.

"Yes, yes I want that." Chris smiled.

Then their lips were joined in a passionate kiss again. There was no holding back from either sides because they had both agreed to it.

They weren't planning on breaking apart any time soon, but a knock on the door brought them back to reality.

Their lips parted and they starred in to each other's eyes. Then Darren focused his gaze on the door. "Come in." He said in an annoyed voice just loud enough for the horrible person who forced them to stop to hear.

Lea opened the door but didn't come all the way in the trailer. "Hey." She greeted the two boys who were sitting dangerously close on the couch.

"Hi."

"Hello."

There was an uncomfortable silence before Lea spoke up. "Dare, we've gotta go."

_Oh yeah, work. Completely forgot about that._

"Okay." He said to Lea. Then he turned to Chris. He didn't really know how to say goodbye to him. He settled for "I'll see you later."

"Bye." Chris said.

"Finally!" Lea screamed and hugged him when they had exited the trailer.

"What?" He asked.

"I want to give it a try" She made airquotes with her fingers and shot Darren a knowing look.

"Oh, that. No you don't understand." Darren tried to brush it off.

"I think I do." Lea giggled.

"No you don't." Darren stopped walking. "He has an audition tomorrow and was kind of nervous. So, I helped him out with his lines." Darren just told her the first thing that came up in his head. He would figure out how to cover up his lies later.

"Not only with his lines, huh?" _Seriously, could the smile on her face get any bigger?_

"What?" Darren really didn't know what she was taking about now.

"Come on, I've got eyes! Your lips are all swollen." She made a gesture to his lips.

"Oh no, that was just a Klaine thing." He tried to laugh it off, but Lea wouldn't buy it.

"Klaine doesn't have any kissing scenes." She said.

"You don't know about that." He said and tried to walk away, but Lea stopped him.

"And how do you explain that you have been staring at him all the time?" She turned him around so he was facing her.

"Well-" Darren started but he didn't know where his sentence was heading.

"And you left his party pretty early, was it because you were afraid you were gonna throw yourself at him?" Her theory was so wrong.

"No, it was because I had already thrown myself at him." He blurted out.

"What? Okay tell me." She demanded and sat down on a bench. She patted the spot next to her.

"No Lea, we've got a scene to film, remember?" He didn't sit down and crossed his arms over his chest.

She started to pout. "Tell me! Tell me! Tell me! Te-"

"Okay! Okay, I'll tell you." He sat down because he knew there was no other way to shut her up then to just tell her.

He told her what happened the night before and what they had talked about that morning.

"Please don't tell anyone? We haven't even had the chance to talk properly." He so hoped that she would keep her mouth shut. But then again, this was Lea, the biggest gossip on set.

"I'll try, but I can't promise you I won't let slip my tong. And neither can you, apparently." She smiled at him.

"Oh my god." Darren hid his face in his hands.

"Hey, come on. I'm happy for you and Chris. You both deserve it." She said and hugged him. "Now let's film that scene."

"Right." They stood up and walked to the set.

**To: Chris**

_Lea knows and couldn't promise me to not tell anybody._

Chris didn't reply._ He is in make-up right now._ Darren thought. He totally didn't learn Chris' schedule by heart so he could casually stalk him. Not at all.


	5. Chapter 5

Chris opened the door to the dancing studio the next morning. Lea had kept her mouth shut for the day. Chris almost started to believe she would keep it a secret.

He didn't get to see Darren at all yesterday so they hadn't had the time to discuss anything about telling people.

Naya came up to him with a huge grin.

"Sooo?" She asked in a curious tone.

"Whaaat?" He asked in the same annoying voice. He put his bag down in a corner and notices almost all the girls in the room rushed over to him.

"How are you doing?" Heather asked him in the same voice as he and Naya had used. Usually that voice meant some rumor was going around.

At that realization Chris changed his voice back to normal. "Fine, why do you ask?" He said quickly.

"Something you've gotta tell us?" Naya poked in his side.

"Lea!" Chris yelled at the women who was making her way to him already.

"Oh there is _Darren_!" Heather yelled. Darren looked confused. He had no idea what was going on until he saw Chris' shocked face.

He turned to Lea. "I can't believe you told them!"

The girls were just grinning like idiots at them. Darren walked over to Chris who still hadn't said anything to him. "Darren do something!" Chris whisper-shouted.

Darren smiled at him and leaned in. He brought their lips together in a sweet kiss. Chris let out a surprised 'hmmm'.

Everyone in the room had gone completely silent. Darren knew everybody was watching them, but he really couldn't bring himself to care. He was the one who got to kiss this awesome guy and he wanted to show it to all his friends.

They broke apart, but didn't come back to reality completely yet.

"By 'do something' I meant anything _but_ that!" Chris tried to sound angry, but he couldn't stop smiling.

"Sorry." Darren also had a broad smile spread across his face.

"Whoa, what is going on here?" Mark's voice snapped them out of their little bubble.

Seeing his reaction Mark hadn't heard yet. The others looked pretty flabbergasted as well. "How many people have you told?" Chris asked.

Lea grinned and answered. "Only a few."

"Dudes, awesome!" Chord had found his voice again.

Darren scratched the back of his head. He regretted kissing Chris in front of all these people without asking him first a little. "Guys can you stop, please?" He asked in a small voice.

"No." Chord simply answered. "You guys are so cute."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Amber asked Chris. She looked a little disappointed. Chris always told her everything.

"It's been one day." He explained.

"You told Lea." Amber crossed her arms over her chest.

"No I didn't." It was the truth. _He_ didn't tell her. Amber looked like she didn't believe him.

Darren saw her expression. "She found out herself." He explained.

"Can we just-" Darren started, but Chris cut him off.

"Naya! What are you texting?" He ran to the women who was typing something on her phone. He saw the grin on her face and knew that, whatever was going on on that screen, it had something to do with the current discussion.

"Give me that phone!" Darren yelled and ran after her too. She jumped on a chair and held the phone high in the air.

"Haha you're a hobbit." She teased when Darren was jumping, but couldn't get hold of the phone.

"But I'm not." Chris took the phone from her in one single jump.

Chris deleted the hysterical text she had been writing to Ashley. Chris wanted Ashley to hear this from himself.

The door swung open and Zach ran in. Late as always. "Zach! Thank god you're here!" Darren said. Now they could start rehearsing so everyone would just stop talking.

"I'm not that late, am I?" Zach looked at his watch.

"No, we just really want to start rehearsal." Darren lied.

Zach smiled at him. "Ah, you just want to watch Chris' ass." Darren blushed. It was something he had been doing for a while now, but not everyone needed to know that, especially not Chris.

"I hate all of you." Chris pointed at everyone in the room.

Zach was awesome, he was their friend. So it was no surprise he was happy for them. Ryan on the other hand, probably wouldn't be so thrilled about the news. "Just, please don't tell Ryan."

"Of course we won't." Everyone smiled at them. They had been waiting for this to happen for so long, they wouldn't screw it up by filling their boss in.

"Now guys, I know they're cute, but we need to get to work." Zach told the group and started the rehearsal.

* * *

It was lunchtime and Chris was at the cafeteria. He couldn't choose between the Caesar salad and and a grilled cheese sandwich. He felt two strong arms slip around his waist.

"Hello there." Darren whispered in his ear.

"Dare, what are you doing?" Chris tried to wiggle out of Darren's grip.

Darren let go off him. He looked a little taken aback by Chris' reaction. "I'm saying hi."

Chris looked around. "We're in public, Darren." He hissed.

Darren didn't seem to see the problem. "So? Half of these people knows already."

"Yeah, half." Chris pointed out, but Darren didn't seem to get it. "Which means that the other half doesn't." He explained.

Darren smiled at Chris' concern. "Come on, it's just work." He said it as if it didn't matter.

"Exactly, it's work. We work with these people." Chris took the salad and walked to his regular table. "Can we please keep it our little secret for as many people as possible, for as long a possible?" Chris sat down.

"Of course." Darren smiled, but Chris could see he was disappointed.

"It's not that I don't want them to know," he started with a sympathetic smile on his face "it's just that everyone found out too soon. I mean we haven't even had a date yet. Isn't that the wrong order?"

Darren sat up straighter. "You're right, as always. Will you please go on a date with me?" Darren smiled because he already knew the answer.

Chris pretended to think about it for a second. "Since you asked so nicely." He answered.

"Okay, tonight I'll pick you up at, let's say, seven?" Darren asked him.

"Okay. Where are we going?" Chris took a bite of his salad.

Darren leaned back in his chair. "Not gonna tell you." Darren glanced at his watch. "Oh, I've gotta go. See you later." He pecked Chris on his cheek. Darren was proud of himself for that.

Chris blushed and murmured a quick "Bye." before Darren picked up his bag and walked away.


	6. Chapter 6

Darren had taken Chris to his favorite restaurant. It was a small Italian restaurant and had the best pasta in town.

Darren especially liked it because he knew a guy there who would give him an extra private table so no one would recognize him. He had never been more grateful for that than tonight.

Darren put down his spoon and fork. Chris looked up and Darren shivered when their eyes met._ I can't believe he can do that with only his eyes. _"Can I ask you something?"

Chris wanted to answer with a snide comment about that already being a question, but he saw in Darren's eyes this was not the moment for that. So he settled for "Sure."

"Is this a date?" Darren asked in a small voice. Chris had never seen him like this. Darren was bushing and looked shy. Chris laughed a little when he saw Darren was freaking out inside. He looked _adorable_.

_Oh my god. He's not saying anything. And now he's laughing at me. Shit I totally got the wrong idea._ Darren thought to himself.

"Yes." Chris said when he had enjoyed Darren's internal freak-out for another second.

"Are we dating?" Darren blurted out. He wasn't wrong about the date, but he still didn't really know what 'I wanna give it a try' had meant to Chris.

Now Chris was the one with the panic in his eyes. "We agreed on that, didn't we?" His voice was a little unsure.

"Well yes." Darren shifted in his seat. He was not completely satisfied with the answer Chris had given him. "But it isn't something we just agree on, is it?"

"What do you mean?" Chris asked.

Darren took Chris' hand on the table. "I'm not joking. I really like you in this way. If that is not the same for you, you have to tell me. I've been thinking about this for a long time, you haven't had that time." He said.

Chris swallowed. Did Darren think he was just playing with him? "I've never had a reason to see us as something other than friends." He saw Darren's smile fall. "But when you kissed me, that got me thinking. Look, I'm not saying I've thought everything trough. I mean, we are friends, we work together, it's tricky. But I'm defiantly serious about this too."

That made Darren's smile return. "Really?" He asked.

"Yeah." Chris answered. "I don't play around."

"I know, I just thought, maybe you don't have time for, you know, a relationship." Darren picked up his fork and spoon and started eating again.

"Like you have any time left." Darren could only nod at that. "But we just gotta figure that out. I mean, sure we see each other at work, but that is not the same."

Darren swallowed a spoon of pasta. "You're right." Darren said. He wanted this to work out and that would not happen if he only saw Chris when he was Kurt.

"And we should make the rule that, if this thing doesn't work out, we go back to being friends again. No matter how hard it may be." Chris was always the responsible one. Unlike Darren he actually thought things through before he did them.

"Agreed, this shouldn't affect our work or our friendship." Darren answered.

"Right." Was Chris' response.

"That's settled." Darren said. They continued their dinner.

* * *

Darren walked Chris to his door. "I had a really great time tonight." Darren told him.

"Me too." Chris said. "Thanks for asking me out."

"So, I'll see you on set tomorrow." Darren gave him a hug and turned around to leave.

"Wait a minute." Chris put a hand on his shoulder to stop him. Darren turned around and have him a questioning look. "I think you're forgetting something fairly important." Chris smiled at him.

Darren offered him a smile too. "Oh, and what would that be then?" He decided to play innocent.

"I think you can figure that out yourself." Chris replied with a coy smile.

Darren's smile grew bigger and he leaned in. "Yes I can." He whispered against Chris' lips before pressing his lips on Chris'.

It was an innocent kiss, but is was perfect. The build up was just right and it was the perfect closure for the prefect night.

They broke apart and smiled at each other. "Now, that's a proper goodbye." Chris said.

"Goodnight." Darren kissed Chris on his cheek and left.

Chris opened the frontdoor and was surprised to find his livingroom packed with the Glee girls. "What the hell?"

"We are having a pj-party." Dianna explained extremely cheery.

Chris starred at them. "Okay, I've got a few questions." He said calmly. "Why am I not invited? How did you get in?" He continued. "And why are you in my house?" He yelled at them.

"We just wanted to have a movie night." Lea told him with a smile on her face.

"And there is no particular reason why here and why tonight?" Chris questioned.

"No, no particular reason." Lea answered.

"So it has absolutely nothing to do with my date?" Chris asked sarcastically.

"That was tonight?" Ashley pretended to be surprised. "We totally forgot about that!"

"I can't believe you did this." He told Ashley. He was visibly disappointed in her for disrespecting his privacy like that.

"Why do you think it was me?" She asked, but Chris saw she wasn't even convinced by her own question.

"You're the only one who has a spare key." He murmured and put his phone and wallet on the coffeetable. He sat down on the couch.

"Listen C we don't care what you say, because we're not leaving this apartment without a detailed description of the evening." Jenna told him.

"Then keep waiting, because I'm not gonna tell you." He got up and walked to the kitchen. The girls followed him.

"Was it that bad?" Amber asked in disbelieve.

"No, it was lovely." Chris hated himself for giving in just like that. "Can I have one thing that's private in my life? Just this one thing?" He begged.

"You can have a billion secrets, but not this one." Was Ashley's answer.

"Come on Chris, we are your friends. Just tell us." Lea pouted.

"Fine. I'll tell you. But you'll have to promise to leave Darren alone." Chris knew this had been Darren's first date with an other guy. That would be confusing enough for him, he shouldn't have to deal with these hysterical girls too.


	7. Chapter 7

"Where did you go?"

"Are you official?"

"How many times have you kissed?"

The questions were screamed at him the minute he sat down. "Okay, calm down you all." Chris laughed.

"I'm sorry, but we've waited so long for this." Jenna told him. The girls sat down around him, now quietly waiting for him to answer their questions.

Chris let out a breathy laugh at the sight of the girls surrounding him like a group of toddlers waiting for their nap-time story. "Okay the answers are: an amazing Italian restaurant, sort of and one time tonight."

"So that goodnight kiss at the door was the only one tonight?" Lea asked him.

"How do you know about that?" Chris asked at her. Sometimes he got a little creeped out by Lea. She knew absolutely _everything_.

Lea looked at the girls. "We overheard." Chris rolled his eyes and nodded. He knew 'we overheard' was code for 'we have been listening at the door and sprinted back to the livingroom when we heard Darren leave'.

"Sure." Chris said. "And yes, that was the only kiss tonight."

"How can you be 'sort of official'?" Amber asked him.

The truth was that he didn't really know if they were official. "We are both serious about this, but I don't think the term boyfriend is appropriate yet." He opened his diet coke and took a long gulp.

The room went silent at that. They all wanted the best for Chris. They didn't want Darren to lead him on. "Why not?" Dianna asked.

Chris sighed. "He has never had a boyfriend before. This is a scary thing to come to terms to." He explained.

"I don't think Darren cares about that." Amber assured him.

"Of course he cares." Chris trew his arms up, almost spilling his diet coke. "He is fine with it, but that doesn't mean this isn't new for him. We are just gonna take things slow."

"You two are too cute together!" Ashley squealed and gave him a bonecrushing hug.

"I'm so happy for you Boo! You deserve this so much." Dianna told him and kissed his cheek.

Chris started laughing to himself and shook his head. "What is it?" Jenna asked him.

"It's just that, I get to sleep with a bunch of beautiful women tonight and I'm too gay to even care." He laughed. The girls laughed with him.

* * *

The next morning Chris was having lunch by himself. Almost everyone was filming and Darren was nowhere to be found. Dianna was sitting at the table next to him, but she had invited her new boyfriend over for lunch, so he figured he'd better leave them alone.

He let his mind wander to another memory.

_Chris and Darren were having lunch together, as always. There was a comfortable silence. Chris was reading the script one more time and Darren was just daydreaming._

_Chris noticed Darren had never been silent for that long. He looked up to see if Darren was still there._

_He was. Darren was sitting at the opposite side of the round table starring in his direction with his head leaning on his arm and a dreamy look in his eyes._

_Chris raised his eyebrows at Darren and Darren shook his head to snap himself out of his daydream. Darren blushed a little and turned his gaze to his food._

What made Darren blush like that? _Chris looked over his shoulder and saw Dianna and her boyfriend at the table behind them._

_Chris shot Darren a knowing and sympathetic smile_.

He had always thought Darren and Dianna would make a cute couple. But all of a sudden Darren seemed to be interested in him.

Chris heard someone dit down next to him. He turned his head to see Darren with a broad smile sitting next to him. "Do you have feelings for Dianna?" Chris blurted out.

Darren shot him a questioning look. "What?" He laughed. "Of course not. I mean, yes, but those are friendly feelings. Just like my feelings for Chord or Amber. I only have special feelings for you." He told Chris. He didn't understand where Chris' sudden question came from.

"It's just, I saw you starring at her the other day and you became very shy when I noticed. And that was right after you told me about that girl you liked. It just seems logical." Chris said in a quite voice.

"Okay, I've been starring a lot lately, but you've caught me only one time."_ Here we go. _Chris thought. _He is going to tell me he just used me to make Dianna jealous._ "And you're right, I was starring in Dianna's _direction_. But I wasn't starring at _her_. I was starring at the beautiful man who was sitting in front of me." He took Chris' hand.

"What about the girl you liked?" Chris pulled his hand away from under Darren's.

"I lied." Darren simply said. "Yes, I like someone, but that person is not a girl."

"You were talking about me?" Chris asked in disbelieve.

"Yes, you silly, who else could I possibly be talking about?"

"I don't know, Dianna?" Chris blushed a little. Darren smiled at that, he thought Chris looked absolutely adorable like that.

"Dianna is like a sister to me, Chris." Darren promised him. "I'm sorry, I have to go, I just came here to say hi, so Ryan is probably looking for me." He kissed Chris on his sightly pink cheek and left.


	8. Chapter 8

Chris was walking across the parking lot to his car when he heard a unsure voice call for him. "Hey, eh Chris?" It was Jake. Jake was one of the assistants on set. Chris noticed he was always a little nervous around Chris and it didn't take long for him to figure out that Jake had a crush on him.

Jake was cute, but he wasn't Chris' type. Jake was tall, skinny and blond. Chris, however, was attracted to a certain dark haired hobbit.

"Ryan wanted to, ehm see you in his office." Jake said. He avoided Chris' eyes and fiddled with some papers on his clipboard.

"Oh, that's odd." Chris said. It was pretty late, what did Ryan want from him at this time? "Did he say why?" He asked Jake.

"Ehm no," Jake said. "but he didn't look happy."

_Shit_, Chris really didn't feel like dealing with an angry Ryan at the moment. He sighed. "Oh well, thanks for telling me." He sighed, putting his carkeys back in his messengers bag.

"That's kind of my, ehm job." Jake laughed quietly.

"Right." Chris shook his heard and laughed. He walked away and waved at Jake, but Jake stopped him.

"Hey Chris," Jake paused. "I was wondering if you are free this Friday?" Jake asked him. _No no no no! Shit, why now? If he had asked me out before my birthday, I would have said yes. But now I just can't._

Chris was never interested in Jake, but he didn't like blowing people off. Especially a sweet guy like Jake.

"I'm never free." Chris said. Jake looked disappointed, Chris figured that Jake must have been thinking that was some lame excuse. "But I'm gonna spend all the time I have with my boyfriend."

Jake's eyes went wide and a blush crept up his cheeks. "Oh, I- ehm have to go." He said and turned around.

"Hey, but we can grab some lunch tomorrow if you want." Chris told him.

A small smile appeared on Jake's face again. "I'd love that." He said and walked to his own car.

* * *

Chris opened the door to Ryan's office without even knocking. "Hey, did you want you see- Oh." He stopped talking mid-sentence because he spotted Darren in the chair opposite of Ryan's.

"Have a seat." Ryan said and gestured to the empty chair next to Darren's.

"Okay." Chris said and sat down after putting his bag on the floor.

"Are you gonna tell us why we're here?" Darren asked Ryan in a inpatient voice.

"I brought you guys here because I want to talk to you." Ryan said, taking off his reading glasses. "I overheard a conversation the cofee lady was having this morning. She was talking about something called Crisscolfer." He told them calmly. Ryan was scary. Chris thought 'calm Ryan' was scarier than 'yelling Ryan' because 'calm Ryan' could explode at any moment, but you never knew when.

"Oh those crazy fans and their fantasies." Darren said and rolled his eyes

"Yeah fantasies." Chris repeated.

"Is it just a fantasy?" Ryan asked. "Because I'm petty sure she was talking about you two finally getting together." The two boys got a slightly worried look on their faces, but they tried their best to hide it. "I don't like it."

"You don't like what?" Darren asked him innocently.

"That you're dating!" Ryan yelled in their faces.

"Why don't you like it?" Darren asked. Darren had never been yelled at by Ryan like this and he wasn't planning on letting him treat him like that.

"I don't like it because two of my stars are fooling around!" Ryan replied angrily.

"Ryan, I know what you're thinking." Chris said, keeping his voice in control, but from the inside he was pissed at Ryan for trying to control their lives.

"Oh, do you?" Ryan asked, crossing his arms over his chest. Silently telling Chris to continue speaking.

"I do." Chris confirmed. "You think this is just some meaningless fling. You think it's just character bleed, but it's not." Chris told him in a steady voice.

Chris' comment made Darren's heart jump a little. If Chris was willing to argue with Ryan over this, that meant that he was just as much in for this relationship as Darren was.

"Oh yeah? What does this mean to you, Darren? Is it just some experiment to sort out your, already questionable, sexually?" Ryan asked him. _How could he say something like that?_

Darren took Chris' hand in his. "Ryan this is serious, this is real. Whether you like it, or not." He said and squeezed Chris' hand lightly.

"You know, it doesn't surprise me that you're doing this." He told Darren. Then he turned to Chris. "But you, I thought you were more responsible than this." He said, disappointment audible in his voice.

"You can't boss us around in our private lives." Chris said and leaned back in his chair.

"I can't, but I can boss you around here."

"Still, you can't forbid us to date." Chris said.

"No, but I can forbid you to piss me off. If this infects your work in any way, you're fired!" Ryan slammed his hand on the table, that made the two boys jump in shock.

"We made a rule, we're not gonna let this infect our jobs in any negative way." Darren promised.

"A promise is not enough." Ryan sighed. "I want you to sign a contract."

"Ehm," Chris looked over at Darren to check if he was okay with this. Darren just nodded at him. "yeah we can do that." Chris told Ryan proudly.

"Good, I'll get a contact set up." Ryan told them and put his glasses back on his nose again.

"Okay." Darren said and the couple made it's way out of the office, their fingers tangled together.


	9. Chapter 9

"This is absolute bullshit!" Darren threw his copy of the special contract back on Ryan's desk. "'Being open to be paired up with other people, if scripted. The off-screen relationship can't infect the on-screen relationship. No sex in trailers.'" He quoted then the turned to Ryan. "Kurt and Blaine are strong, there's no need to pair us up with others. Our off-screen relation can only be an improvement." Darren explained. "And why the hell are we not allowed to have sex in our trailers?"

"Actually, that's in your normal contract already, it's in this one just to be sure." Ryan said, taking off his readingglasses. He pushed the contract back to Darren. "Sign it." He said in a warning tone.

Darren was staring angrily in Ryan's eyes, hoping he would give in. Chris knew Darren was going to lose this discussion and he just wanted to get it over with. "Just sign it, Darren. There's nothing too unreasonable in it." He muttered while signing his own contract.

"Fine." Darren sighed and scribbled his autograph on the paper.

"Thank you, guys. That was all I needed you for. You're excused now." Ryan said, making a neat pile of the two contracts.

After they had left Ryan's office, Chris and Darren were on their way to the picnic tablets outside to have lunch together. "I don't see why you just agreed on those stupid rules. We could have at least tried to lose the rule about trailer sex." Darren said.

"Darren, you can't argue with Ryan." Chris told him. Darren would find that out sooner or later, but why did he want to do it the hard way instead of just listening to Chris? "And please stop talking about sex." Chris said. He checked if there were any people who could have heard Darren. Luckily, there were no people around.

"Why?" Darren half laughed. "Are you ashamed of talking about sex?" He saw a light blush creep its way up to Chris' cheeks.

"No," Chris answered. "but we're in public." He pointed out. "And I don't put out until the third date, so." Chris trailed of and rolled his eyes at Darren's snort.

"Oh, playing hard to get, are we?" Darren smiled.

"Totally." Chris said sarcastically. He obviously wasn't playing hard to get. He agreed on dating Darren after one drunken kiss and told his friends about their relationship the day after they had gotten together. "Now shut up and buy me an ice cream." Chris demanded and pointed at the little ice cream shop that provided everyone on set with ice cream.

After Darren had bought them both an ice cream they sat down at one of the picnic tables. "Does this count as second date?" Darren asked and licked a melted drop of ice cream off his hand.

"I'm not_ that_ easy." Chris laughed. He didn't notice someone walked up to them both.

"Hey guys, mind if I join you?" Chris heard Jake ask.

"Of course not, Jake. Have a seat." Darren said in his ever so kind and cheery voice. _This is going to be awkward. Apparently, Jake doesn't know about Darren and me. And Darren probably thinks everybody knows by now._

"Thanks. So, what were you guys talking about?" Jake asked. He sat down next to Chris. Maybe a little too close.

Darren smiled smugly at Chris. "Oh we were just-"

"Darren was being the horny teenager he always is." Chris interrupted him. He didn't want to have this inappropriate conversation at work with Jake sitting next to him. "But he was gonna change the subject anyway." He said, shooting Darren his 'play along or I'm going to kill you' smile.

Luckily Darren did. They talked for a while, but after they had had all the topics on the standard small talk list, Darren asked "So Jake, do you have a girlfriend?"

Chris couldn't help but laugh at that. "No, god no." Jake let out a small laugh. Darren just looked confused. He didn't get what was that funny. "I'm gay." Jake explained.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Darren said. "Do you have a boyfriend, then?"

"Ehm no." Jake answered, blushing slightly, he was suddenly shy.

"Jake!" Ryan called. "Mark is late, again! Go get him!" Jake gave Ryan the thumbs up and gathered his belongings.

"See you later, Chris." He waved. Then he realized Chris was not the only person at the table. "And bye Darren." He said awkwardly and ran off.

"So, Jake seems to like you." Darren stated without making eye contact with Chris.

"Mmm?" Chris asked, focusing on his, half melted, ice cream again.

"He was sitting dangerously close and he was practically drooling over you." Darren explained. Chris heard an unfamiliar emotion in Darren's voice. He figured it must be jealously.

"Oh come on, you can't be jealous of him. Jake is totally not my type." Chris tried to calm him.

"Well, at least he is out of the closet." Darren said quietly.

Chris didn't know why that would be an issue at the moment. "So?" He asked, a little confused.

"I'm not." Was Darren's explanation.

"You think, just because I'm gay, I fool around with every other gay man I meet?" Chris asked. "You are such a hypocrite. You are just as much in a gay relationship as I am." _God I hate it when my voice gets highpitched like that._ Chris thought.

"No, I didn't mean it like that. I was just saying that it must be hard for you that I am not out of the closet." Darren took Chris' hand in his and stroke the back of it with his thumb.

Chris smiled. "I don't know if you've noticed, but you are pretty much out of the closet here on set." He told Darren and covered Darren's hand with his own.

"No I'm not." Darren said and shook his head. "I haven't told anyone that, apparently, I'm into guys too."

"But holding hands with a guy," Chris lifted their hands for a moment. "kissing a guy and dating a guy basically does that for you." He explained.

Darren's expression turned into thoughtful. "It does?" He asked Chris.

Chris just shook his head and laughed. "Do you even have a brain?" He knew what Darren meant. The way he had been raised was that it didn't mean that you're gay when a guy is dating a guy. It just means that you can be happy. Chris loved the way Darren thought. He wished the whole world thought like that.

"Oh shut up. At least I went to college." Darren teased and stuck his tongue out.

"Hey I was famous at the age of nineteen. What were you doing back then?" Chris asked. "Oh yeah, you were writing a musical about a penis." He answered his own question.

Darren just laughed at Chris' comment and leaned over the table to place a sweet kiss in Chris' lips. At that moment Jake walked by, looking for Mark. He stilled at the sight of his crush and his, apparently not so straight, friend kissing over the table he had just been sitting at.


	10. Chapter 10

"Jake, what the hell?" Ryan said as Jake came in to the room, carrying the new scripts. "You can't just leave right after I've asked you to do something. Where the hell did you go?" Ryan asked. Jake was lucky. It was early, even too early for Ryan to be really angry.

"I'm sorry." Jake apologized. He put the scripts on the table. "Something personal happened and I just had to go home." Jake answered. He tried to keep his explanation as vague as possible, since various cast members were walking in to the room for the script reading.

Ryan sighed. "What happened?" He asked. He obviously wasn't interested, but he needed to know why Jake had ran off like that.

Jake looked around the room. He couldn't tell Ryan with all those people in the room. "I would rather not tell you." He said in a small voice.

"Well," Ryan leaned back in his chair. "you're my employee and I should know what's going on when it means that you'll just excuse yourself from work."

Jake considered telling Ryan when he noticed no one was paying attention to Ryan and himself, but at that moment Chris and Darren came in. They were holding their coffeecups in one hand and their other hands were linked between their bodies. "I- I really can't tell you right now." Jake said. "I promise it won't happen again." With that he ran trough the door. He had pushed the happy couple aside slightly while doing so. He didn't mean to, but he had pushed Chris in to Darren's side even more.

"Jake!" Ryan yelled after him, but Jake was already gone. "What's up with him?" He muttered to himself.

"I don't know." Darren answered and sat down. Chris sat next to him and put his head on Darren's shoulder. He closed his eyes and instantly fell asleep.

Harry waved his hand in front of Chris' face. Chris didn't even notice it. "What did you guys do last night?" Harry asked with a smug smile on his face.

"Nothing." Darren said. _Jeez, we're together for only a few days and these insane people think we're jumping each other's bones already._ "He just stayed up working all night." Darren explained.

"Working." Harry smirked and gave Darren a wink.

"Yes working." Darren said. "Actually working." Darren told him. "I'm surprised he didn't cause an accident while driving here."

"People!" Ryan yelled to get the attention of the people in the room.

Chris' head shot up. "I'm late!" He screamed. Everybody gave him weird looks.

Ryan just shook his head and started to hand out the scripts. Chris managed to stay awake the whole script reading and woke up a little more. "Guys does anyone know what's up with Jake?" Ryan asked. "He left yesterday without even telling me and he is acting weird ever since."

"I saw him running to his car. I tried to get hold of him, but he was gone when I reached his parking spot." Jenna said.

"So, no one knows what's bothering him?" Ryan tried once more.

"Well, I might have an idea, but I don't think that's it." Chris answered unsure. Ryan raised his eyebrows and waited for him to continue. "Okay, I've noticed that he's had a crush on me for a while now. Maybe he is jealous of me and Darren." Chris explained "But he didn't know yesterday at lunch. I mean, he had lunch with us." He looked over at Darren.

"Maybe he found out?" Darren said.

Ryan shook his head. "No, I saw you guys. He left like ten minutes after that."

"Well, Crisscolfer was sucking face right after he left their table." Chord said bluntly and looked up from his script.

"We were not." Chris said in a unconvincing voice. Yes, they had kissed, but it wasn't anywhere near sucking face. Chord just shot them his 'don't even act like it's not true' look.

Darren blushed. "Thanks for the totally appropriate way of saying that." He said sarcastically.

"Chris, go talk to him." Ryan simply said from the other side of the room.

Chris's eyes went wide. "What? Why me?" Chris didn't feel like facing Jake right now. It wasn't his fault Jake had a crush on him. Besides, he had already sort of had that conversation with Jake. He seemed to be okay with the fact that Chris was taken.

"Because you are the one he has a crush on." Was Ryan's explanation.

"I don't even think that's the problem." Chris objected.

"He ran away when he saw you two enter the room." Ryan said with his terrifying bitch face.

"Fine, I'll go talk to him." Chris sighed in annoyance. He decided it would be better to just give in. He downed his coffee in one gulp and kissed Darren's cheek. He walked away and ignored the 'Aw's a few people were giving them.

Chris wandered around set for some time, looking for Jake. Eventually he found him on the unused footballfield set. He was seated on his blazer. Which didn't make any sense to Chris, because, instead of grass stains on his jeans, he would get grass stains on his expensive looking blazer.

"Hey Jake." Chris said. Apparently Jake hadn't noticed him before because he picked up his clipboar and pretend to read the papers that were clipped to it.

"I'm busy." Jake muttered. He kept his head turned downwards.

"I can see that." Chris said. He sat down next to Jake in the grass. "Could you maybe stop your training for upside down reading for a moment? I want to talk to you." Chris chuckled.

"Shit." Jake whispered when he realized he had been holding the clipboard upside down. He turned his head towards Chris, not really looking in his eyes. He offered Chris a fake smile, but Chris saw right trough him.

"Let me get right to the point." Chris said bluntly. He just wanted this to get over with. "Why are you so freaked out?"

"I'm not." Jake answered with 'deer caught in headlights' eyes. He was obviously lying.

"So you really were reading the filming schedule upside down?" Chris asked sarcastically.

"No." The blond boy said in a small voice and hung his head again.

"Then what's bothering you?" Chris tried to push him to answer, but Jake stayed silent. "Is it about me and Darren?" Chris asked after a short, uncomfortable silence.

"I know it's stupid." Jake's voice was shaky. Chris could tell he was close to tears.

"It's not." Chris patted his back softly. "I just don't get why it's bugging you this much." His tone was sympathetic and caring.

Jake looked up, two thin lines of tears rolled over his cheeks. "Chris, I don't know if you've noticed," He took a deep breath and continued. "but I really like you. I have since the day I met you." He confessed.

Chris chuckled. _Does he really think I'm that clueless?_ "Oh, I've noticed." He told Jake, still rubbing small circles on Jake's back.

"You have?" He seemed surprised. "And then, I finally had the guts to ask you out." He trailed off and rolled his watering eyes.

"But I don't get why you left yesterday. I had already told you that I have a boyfriend." The actor was confused. He got that Jake didn't like his chances being taken away, but what changed when he had found out it was Darren?

"Yes, but really seeing it just did something to me." He explained. "Especially since your boyfriend is someone who I hadn't even considered as 'competition'." Jake laughed bitterly trough his tears.

"I'm really sorry, Jake. But I don't think we would have worked out anyways."

"Woh, a double rejection." He laughed and wiped his tears away.

Chris got up and offered his hand to help Jake up. "Come on, any guy would be lucky to have you." He said and Jake took his hand. Of course, he held it for a little too long when he was on his feet again.

"You're a guy." Jake tried.

"Nice try." Chris laughed and picked up Jake's blazer. He brushed off a few pieces of grass and handed it to Jake.


	11. Chapter 11

"And that is the lady from the costume department." Chris pointed at the women who walked by them.

"Ah, so she is the one who puts Kurt's outfits together?" Grant smirked.

Chris laughed. "Yes, she is really nice when she is not forcing you into skinny jeans." He joked. His comment received a laugh from Grant.

"And that's Darren, right?" Grant eyed the man who had been watching them from the second they sat down. He recognized him and wanted to know what the creepy guy's deal was since he got there.

"Yes." Chris answered, embarrassed his boyfriend was acting that paranoid. "You're going to be working with him, so maybe I should introduce you at some point. Although, now is not the right time."

"So the whole 'I'm going to kill you' eyes thing is not a good sign?" Grant said casually, but he was sort of scared of Darren. Especially since they'd be working closely together.

"He gets a little jealous. There's a guy going after his boyfriend, so he's being a bit paranoid." Chris explained, but Grant didn't seem to be relieved. "He's not going to kill you. And he's a dwarf, so if he tries you'll win." Chris laughed, but his smiled quickly disappeared when he remembered what had driven Darren on the edge that morning.

_"Thank you." Chris said when he found Darren in the hair and make-up trailer. Darren was waiting to get his hair done. Chris assumed one of the make-up artists was getting another jar of hairgell, because Darren's hair was half gelled down, half curly. He looked absolutely ridiculous._

_"You're welcome." Darren replied without actually noticing he said something. "Wait, what are you thanking me for?" He asked when he realised he didn't have a clue what Chris was talking about._

_"You know." Chris rolled his eyes. He thought Darren was teasing him._

_"I honestly don't." Darren confessed._

_Chris pulled up a chair next to his boyfriend. "Come on, it was a little cheesy, but I kinda like cheesy you. You know that." Darren knew that. Chris appreciated every cheesy, romantic gesture. But he hadn't done anything like that for Chris today._

_"I still don't have a clue what you're talking about."_

_"Okay," Chris gave in. "I'll play your game." He sighed. "Thanks for the roses, very romantic of you."_

_"What roses?" Darren questioned._

_"It just stopped being cute, now it's getting annoying, Dare." Chris told Darren. Flirting was cute, but now Darren was just being stupid._

_"I'm serious. I haven't gotten you roses." Darren didn't know what was going on, but he didn't like it. No one, but Darren, had the right to do something cheesy, like buying roses, for Chris. He was his boyfriend. And it couldn't be a simple 'thank you' bouquet because that's is not made out of roses._

_Chris realized Darren wasn't being a flirt, but telling the truth. "But they were in a vase in my trailer and the card said-" He cut himself off. "Jake." _

_"What?" Darren didn't understand. "It said: Jake? What made you think I would give you roses and write that name on the note?"_

_"No, it must have been him. He put those roses in my trailer and wrote that sappy note." _Who else would give me roses? _It was completely unexpected, though. Jake had laid low for two months. Both Darren and Chris thought he was over his crush. Apparently not._

_"Really, him?" Darren sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I thought he gave up two months ago." Chris could see anger and annoyance building up behind Darren's eyes._

A pair of fingers snapped in front of Chris' face. "Hello, Chris?" Grant waved his hand to snap Chris out of his daydream. "Did you hear me?"

"Oh, sorry." Chris apologized when he was back on earth again. "I spaced out for a moment." He looked over to where Darren had been sitting to see he was making his way to their table. "And here comes Darren."

"Why is he jealous?" Grant repeated the question he had asked during Chris' daydream. When Chris was about to answer Darren was at their table.

"Hey babe." He greeted Chris and kissed his lips. "How's your day?"

_Oh, that's why._ Grant thought.

"Petnames Dare, really?" Chris asked dryly. Darren never was called him 'babe', or any other petname for that matter. Chris decided to let it slip and introduce Darren to his new co-worker and vice versa. "Grant, this is Darren. Darren, Grant."

"Hi," Darren held out his hand to Grant, but his eyes were cold. "pleasure meeting you." He spoke, not even trying to make his voice sound welcoming and cheerful like it usually did.

"Nice to meet you too, Darren." Grant said awkwardly. He didn't know what to do about the obvious tension in the air.

"So, what are you guys talking about?" Darren had his hand on Chris' shoulder and his thumb was brushing circles on Chris' neck. Chris rolled his eyes at how stupidly affectionately Darren was acting. He was obviously marking his territory for no reason.

"I was just showing Grant the crew." Chris answered. Then Darren sat down in his lap. "Oh Dare, you are a heavy hobbit. Could you please take that chair?" He pointed at the empty chair next to him. Darren pulled it closer to Chris' and sat down. He grabbed Chris' hand before he spoke again.

"Oh, you're the new guy." Darren was not really surprised. "You play Sebastian, the guy who tires to break up Klaine."

"Yes I play Sebastian." Grant confirmed.

That seemed to be the wrong answer to Darren, so he went in defense-mode. "I'm warning you, don't mess with Klaine." He hoped Grant got the double meaning.

"Darren," Chris turned to his boyfriend who was acting like an idiot. "Grant is nothing like Sebastian. He is not here to break anyone up. Okay?" No response, just an icy glare at Grant. "Grant has got a girlfriend."

"Oh." _I am such an idiot._


	12. Chapter 12

"Can you believe this?" Came Chris' angry voice from the other side of the line when Darren picked up his phone. "He sent me two bouquets! Two!" Darren would receive those kind of phonecalls every other day.

"Chr-"

"And on one he even asked me out again!"

"But-"

"Does he really think I would say yes to that?"

When he was sure Chris wasn't going to cut him off anymore he dared himself to speak. "Those were mine, actually." He heard a soft 'Oh' escape Chris' lips. "I felt bad because some random guy always sends you roses and cards and I never give you flowers."

"Dare, that's so sweet," Chris eyed his trash can. "but I kind of threw them in the trash." Chris' voice was apologetic. "I'm sorry, I thought they were from Jake."

Darren laughed lightly. "It's alright. I should have written my name on the card."

"They were beautiful, but you really don't have to buy me flowers."

"No flower is as beautiful as you." The other side stayed silent. "Too cheesy?"

"Yeah." Chris laughed.

"So, see you tonight?"

"Defiantly."

"Chris?" Darren asked breathlessly. He didn't know what he was doing. Was he going to say it?

"Yes?" Chris was waiting for Darren to speak.

"See you later." Darren quickly said before he hung up. He couldn't say it yet.

* * *

That night Chris arrived at the bar he and Darren had agreed on. He was late because he wanted to look absolutely perfect, so his eyes quickly scanned the crowd for that familiar face. He found it at the bar, but when he was about to step trough the door he saw Darren lean in to say something to the girl he was sitting next to. The girl nodded and took Darren's phone and typed something on it. Chris' body stilled. _Is this really happening?_ The bartender handed two drinks to the girl and she passed one to Darren. The girl handed the bartender the money and Darren just let it happen.

Chris felt sick. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. Darren laughed at something the girl was saying and it was like another punch in Chris' stomach. Chris turned around and stumbled out of the pub.

He got in his car and started driving. He didn't even care he was driving in the wrong direction. He just needed to get away from the bar.

To make things worse, his phone buzzed. Chris reached for the phone without giving it a second thought. He glared at the screen.

**From Darren:**

_Hey C are you alright? You're late. You're never late._

_How dare he? How can he text me something like that?_

Chris turned off the phone and threw it in the passenger's seat. He tightened his grip on the steering wheel and forced his tears back. He wasn't going to cry when Darren was having a good time being a dick. He wasn't going to be weak.

But the strong thoughts were taken over by the miserable ones in a fraction of a second.

_He sent me fucking flowers this morning! He almost said those three fucking words to me! Or did he want to tell me we were trough? Was he too scared to say it, so he fucking showed me?_

Chris parked his car somewhere on the side of a highway. He couldn't take it anymore. He banged his head against the wheel. He didn't care about the honk that went off in the middle of the highway. He got out of the car and he felt the desperate urge to kick something. He kicked the wheel of his car, but when he realised he was being ridiculous all his energy and adrenaline floated out of his body. He sat down on the cold ground against his car.

He didn't know what time it was when he got up. He could have been sitting there for minutes or hours. He didn't know, he didn't care. He didn't know where he was. He couldn't remember how he had gotten there. All he knew was he needed to go home. He wanted to call someone, but that meant turning on his phone and that meant seeing Darren's text.

He pulled himself together and found his way home. When he entered his apartment he was immediately hit by the memories he had made with Darren. The movie nights, their endless phonecalls, working together in silence, cooking together, their first kiss in the bathroom, their first time in the bedroom.

Chris threw himself on the bed and let his tears fall when he let the sleep set in.

_"Hey Chris, are you a virgin?" Chris choked on his drink, because that is not what you expect your boyfriend to ask in the middle of a Disney movie._

_"No, why?" He said when he was done coughing._

_"Well," Darren shifted his seat. "I was just wondering. For me sex is something I share with someone I care about. And we're a couple and I care about you. I was just wondering why we haven't gotten there yet."_

_"Honestly, I don't think you are ready." Was Chris' response._

_Darren didn't know why Chris would just take that decision for him without asking. Chris' tensed position told Darren there was something Chris wasn't telling him. "Well, I am. But of you're not ready, that's okay."_

_"I'm ready." Was all Chris said. That didn't get Darren any further._

_"Okay," Darren stroke Chris' hair to try to sooth the tension. "if we're both ready then why haven't we done it yet?"_

_Chris sucked in a deep breath before speaking. "Because" He started. "I keep thinking that some day you will realise that all this was just a stupid fling. Some stupid experiment to figure yourself out again." He sighed. "Your life can be so much easier. You can get any pretty girl you want."_

_"Why don't you get that you're better than any girl in this world?" Darren put his finger under Chris' chin to tilt his head. "Hey, look at me. You are not an experiment. You're nothing like an experiment."_

_"You're just saying that." Darren shook his head. "You're not out. You don't know what it's like to be yelled at on the streets and have people tell you you're disgusting every single day."_

Disgusting? They call him disgusting? They are disgusting! _"You're right." Confusion was written across Chris' face. "I've never been through any of that. And it's not going to happen any time soon, but it will some day." Darren promised. "I'm not planning on breaking up with you any time soon, so it's bound to happen sometime."_

_"Okay." Chris said after letting Darren's words sink in._

_"Okay?" Now it was Darren's turn to be confused._

_"Okay, let's do it." Chris smiled. He was glowing with a new confidence that Darren had never seen before. He liked it._

_"What, now?" Darren asked surprised by Chris' eagerness._

_"Yes."_

_"Alright."_

_Better than any girl? My ass! _Chris thought before he fell asleep.


	13. Chapter 13

Chris had to drag himself to work the next morning. He had had some pretty horrible mornings, but that morning was worse than any hangover he had ever experienced. He hadn't touched his phone since the night before and he had woken up fully clothed and upside down in his bed. He had barley time to shower since he had ignored his alarm clock. He was hoping, if he would stay in bed long enough, he'd get a call that the studios were crushed by a meteor. When he didn't received the phonecall on his house phone, he changed into his sweats and t-shirt and left for work.

When he arrived at his trailer to find his ridiculous costume for the day he was greeted with the sight of Darren sitting on the doorstep. Chris wondered if he could just turn around and steal someone else's trailer. Darren decided that moment to notice Chris standing right in front of him a few feet away.

"Chris there you are! I was worried sick." Darren let out a relieved sigh and ran over to Chris. "Where were you last night? You could have texted me. Didn't you get any of my texts or calls?" He hugged Chris only to be pushed away.

Chris had a plan. "I sent you texts." He lied, his phone was still in the passenger seat of his car. "Maybe there's something wrong with your phone. Give me your phone." He held out his hand. Darren gave him the phone without asking himself a question. He was not good with phones, computers anything with a screen. Chris however was. Chris looked over Darren's texts and quickly found what he was looking for. He saw a message from Darren to the girl in which he asked where she lived so he could stop by. Chris felt sick all over again. He threw the phone at Darren. "You cheated on me!"

"No I didn't!" Was al Darren managed to get out. He was shocked by Chris' outburst and had no idea where it was coming from.

_Why is he being this stupid? I saw them, I saw his text, there is no point in denying it._"Yes you did. With that girl! Don't you even deny it! I saw you last night! I was there, but I left because you seemed to be enjoying yourself!"

"She was just a fan!" Darren yelled. He couldn't believe Chris was accusing him for talking to a fan. "Am I not allowed to talk to fans anymore?" He questioned.

"You we're flirting with her!" Chris was sure of what he had seen. Of course he was okay with Darren talking to fans. It was one of the best parts of their job, but Darren went too far. And Chris was really disappointed in Darren that he didn't see he did something wrong.

"I was not!" Darren yelled at the top of his lungs. He became painfully aware that they were in the middle of the lot. "Can we not have this conversation in the middle of a fucking parking lot?"

"Fine." Chris answered and slammed the door when they were in his trailer.

"It was just a fan. You talk to your fans too." Darren tried to explain to Chris.

"But I don't flirt with them!"

"There is nothing to be jealous about!" Darren promised him, but Chris wasn't going to bend.

"You are allowed to be jealous of Jake and Grant, but I'm not allowed to be jealous, even though I saw it and I have proof?" Chris crossed his arms over his chest and waited for what Darren had to say to that. He was getting emotional again, but this time it wasn't the sadness, it was the anger that he needed to get out.

"You don't have proof!" Darren said. Chris was getting really annoyed, Darren couldn't just deny that text or that number in his phone. "There is no proof, because I didn't cheat on you!" He broke it down for Chris.

Chris knew about his proof and he would gladly share it with Darren. "You let her buy you drinks, you asked for her number and her address and you're letting her know you'll come over tonight! Tell me, ow is that no proof?" He raised one eyebrow. He thought that he had won.

"I forgot my wallet!" Darren explained. "That's why she bought me a drink and I asked for her phone number and address so I could stop by to pay her back." Darren didn't see a change in Chris' expression. "Nothing happened and nothing could ever happen." He promised Chris and hoped he would believe him.

But Chris was furious. _How dare he make up excuses like that and expect me to go with it? He can have her! If I'm not enough for him he can go find it somewhere else._ "Oh, I wouldn't dare to come between the two of you." Chris' bitter voice was harsh and cold. "I'm letting you free so you can do whatever you want with whomever you want."

"Chris, no." Darren begged him. "Nothing could ever happen." He told Chris once more.

"Why?" Chris didn't know why he asked that question. He guessed he was hoping for an explanation, but he didn't want to hear more lies.

"Because she is a lesbian!" Darren finally pointed out. Chris seemed struck. He was standing there, mouth hanging slightly open like he was about to say something, but no words came out. But Darren didn't care that he wasn't saying anything, because his expression has softened. "She was waiting for her girlfriend. Unlike my boyfriend, she actually showed up."

"Dare, why didn't you tell me?" Chris snapped out of his haze, he took Darren's hands in his and stepped in closer.

"Because it shouldn't matter." Was Darren's answer.

Chris rolled his eyes. _He and his no labels stuff._ "Now is not the time to fight for the gay community, Dare." Chris informed him, a small smile tugging on his lips.

Darren shook his head laughing. "I meant that you should trust me."

"I do trust you."

"Not enough, apparently." Darren sensed the tension. He didn't mean for that sentence to sound that harsh. He just wanted to let Chris know it was something they both needed to work on. "We broke up for about thirty seconds. The saddest thirty seconds of my life." Darren pouted.

Chris chuckled before asking Darren a question. "But how is this any different from the whole Jake and Grant thing?"

"Something could actually happen with them." Darren answered. His concerns about Grant were vanished, but Jake was still a soft spot.

"I've been rejecting Jake even before we were together and Grant is straight."

"I didn't know that." Was Darren's excuse. He knew it was a weak one, but he had to say _something_.

"And I didn't know 'what's her name' is gay." Chris used Darren's argument against him.

"So, our first real fight." Darren stated after a short silence.

"Wanna have awesome make up sex?" Chris offered and gave him a seductive look.

"I'm ashamed you even have to ask." Darren laughed.

Before they could do as much as kiss each other they heard a voice from outside the trailer. "Boys, I heard that!" Their eyes went wide because that was Ryan. "And you two are needed on set!"


	14. Chapter 14

_They were on a date. On a date! It hadn't really started out as one, but Chris had suggested a walk at the beach to clear their heads from a long day of work, so they decided to call it a date. But then Chris' phone buzzed. Before Chris could reach for it, Darren grabbed both of his hands in a firm grasp. "Just leave it." Darren said, not wanting to spend the rest of their romantic walk next to Chris who was texting his manger, Ryan, or anyone else._

_"What if it is important?" Chris tried to pull out of Darren's grip, but he was not letting go._

_"They'll text again." Darren said, calmly. Chris' phone chose that moment to buzz again. "Fine." Darren sighed dramatically and let go off Chris' hands._

_Chris looked at his phone, first he didn't recognize the number, but when he opened the messages he got angry. "You have got to be kidding me!" He yelled at the phone, as if the object had done something wrong._

_"What's wrong?"_

_"Twenty-something years ago Jake's parents had unprotected sex, that's what's wrong!" Chris answered angrily. _

_Darren looked disgusted. Why would anyone say that? "Thanks for that mental image." He said sarcastically. "I don't think I can sleep tonight." _

_"He just texted me!" Chris ignored Darren's comment completely. "How did he even get my number? I never gave him my number."_

_"Come here." Darren demanded to give him the phone. He typed a quick message to Jake. "This is the last time I asked you politely to leave my boyfriend alone. Next time I'll run out of patience. Consider this as a last warning. -Darren" He read out loud and handed Chris back his phone._

_"I could have done that myself." Chris muttered when he pocketed the phone again._

_"I know, but you'd feel guilty, because you're too good of a person." That was how it begun._

A few days later they were having lunch together at set. Chris' phone buzzed. He looked at the text and tensed for a moment. He tried to hide it from Darren, but Darren noticed. "That's enough! This has been going on for way too long and now it's getting too much!" Darren was sick of it. He was sick of the stalking, because that was what it had become. He stood up and knocked his chair over in the process. Darren stormed out, on his way to find Jake.

"Dare, come back!" Chris called half hearted. He knew he should really try to calm Darren down. But on the other hand, he knew Darren wouldn't really hurt Jake, that wasn't like him. He probably would just have a strong conversation with him. And maybe it would even solve their problem. That would be great. Chris decided to just sit down and let it happen for once. He was tired of turning Jake down.

Darren found Jake in his tiny office. Ryan was talking to him while writing something down. "Hello Jake, I would like to have a word with you." Darren said when he entered the room without even knocking.

"I have a lot of work to-"

"This won't take long." Darren grabbed Ryan by his shoulders and pushed him out of the door. He slammed the door in the face of a stunned looking Ryan.

"O-okay." Jake sputtered, his eyes wide and his throat dry.

Darren backed him up against the wall. He grabbed his collar and lifted Jake up so he was on the tips of his toes. "Stay away from my boyfriend." Darren hissed. "Have you ever had a boyfriend?" He asked Jake.

"O-of course I have." Jake answered quietly, he was squeaking slightly.

"Well, I haven't. This is really special to me." Darren said quite calmly. "And you're trying to fuck it up!" He exclaimed. "So I'm telling you right now, no more roses, no more cards, no more texts, no more anything. Do you understand?" Darren gripped the collar tighter with every word.

"Hmm." Jake hummed, but he didn't sound convincing enough to Darren.

"I said do you understand?" Darren asked slowly and forcefully.

"Y-yes." Jake managed to get out. Darren realised the grip on his collar and Jake was on his feet again. Darren murmured a quick 'Good' under his breath and swung the door open, only to be face to face with Ryan.

"Darren what the hell?" Ryan asked, mostly confused. He was probably too stunned to be really angry. "You can't just drag me out of a conversation to yell at my assistant."

"Oh yes, I can." Darren pushed past Ryan and walked rapidly to his trailer. He wasn't going to see Chris, because he just realised he had signed a contract and he broke it. He had let his relationship affect his work and to make things worse, he had done it right in front of his boss. Chris was probably going to say he was an idiot. And if Ryan caught up with the situation again, he would be screwed.

When he got to his trailer he started cleaning, something he barely did, but when he was really nervous he could turn into a cleaning-monster. He heard two knocks on the door. He knew it wasn't Chris, because Chris always knocked three times. So whoever it was, it was someone who he didn't want to see. "Go away." He said harshly.

"Darren?" Ryan called from outside.

"I said go away!"

Ryan apparently saw that as an invitation to open the door. Much to Darren's surprise he didn't look angry. "Can I come in?" Ryan asked, his voice calm and it sounded almost caring.

"Am I fired?" Darren asked, narrowing his eyes. He didn't need Ryan to come in to tell him that.

"Darren, can I come in?" Ryan tried again.

"Am I?" Darren pushed on. "Because if I'm fired I'd like to leave with as much dignity as I have left."

"That's not much." Ryan laughed awkwardly. He invited himself to come in to the trailer and sat down on the small couch. "Darren, sit down." He patted the spot beside him. Darren decided to just do what Ryan said, because he was in trouble already. "Do you remember this?" Ryan pulled out their special contract from behind his back.

Darren eyed the things and started to apologize. "Ryan, I'm so sorry. I know I shouldn't have acted that way, but Jake has been so annoying for so long. And I don't know how to make him stop. Chris and I have tried talking to hi-" Darren cut off his own rambling when Ryan slowly ripped the contract in two pieces. "What are you doing?" He asked, confused

"You were right." Ryan said. He saw it didn't make things clearer for Darren, so he waved the ripped paper in front of Darren's face. "Absolute bullshit." He repeated Darren's words.

"What? But what about the rules? About not letting it affect our work?"

"Darren," Ryan started. "a big part of this show is about gay people who aren't accepted for whom they are. I'm obviously not a homophobe, but I realised that I'm killing love with this thing. I'm holding you back and that's not right."

"So the contract is dropped?" Darren asked to confirm his hope.

"Yes." Ryan answered. "I'm still asking you to stay professional, but the pressure of being fired is off the table."

_We can do that, yeah we defiantly can. _"Thank you Ryan." Darren embraced him in a quick hug. They would stay professional, Chris would make sure of that. But they wouldn't have to be scared anymore do anything wrong. "Thank you so much." He thanked him again. "People are wrong. You're not a monster."

"People call me a monster?" Ryan asked as if it was the first time he had heard about that.

"Hey, does this mean Chris and I can have sex in our trailers?" Darren avoided the subject, but he already knew the answer.

"No." Ryan simply answered.

"Maybe you are a monster." Darren joked.

"Who calls me that?" Demanded Ryan. "Monster? I'm not a monster. I'm professional. Now, answer my question."

"I'm not allowed to tell you. It's in my contract." Darren smiled.


	15. Chapter 15

Darren could remember the morning after Chris' birthday.

_He was standing in front of the mirror in his bathroom. "Hey Chris, have I ever told you I have a gay twin brother?" _No, that won't work. _"You know, I'm on this medication that makes me-" _No, no one would believe that. _"Did you know there's a drug that makes you need to pee until you've kissed the first person you saw after you took it? Someone must have slipped it in my drink." _No! _"In Bulgaria, there's a birthday tradition where the birthday boy gets kissed by his closest co-worker in the bathroom." _I have to think of som-

_"Is any of that true?" Darren heard Joey laugh. He looked at the door and saw Joey leaning against the doorframe. Darren hadn't heard him come in and he was wondering for how long he had been there._

_"No." Darren admitted, blushing furiously._

_"Then what the hell were you doing?" He asked with one raised eyebrow as he walked over to Darren._

_"I was practising pick-up lines?" Darren answered weakly. He decided that he was officially the worst at making up excuses._

_"First, you should go with 'Hi I'm Darren Criss and I'm on Glee'." He said as if Darren didn't know that would work. He wasn't stupid, he had experimented with his fame before. "Second," Joey continued. "no you weren't." He said with a knowing smile on his lips._

_"I was practising things to say to Chris today." Darren confessed, because he knew there was no way that his stupid excuses would get him out of that._

_"Why would you tell him about any of that made-up stuff?" Joey laughed and he thought he already sensed what Darren's problem was, but he needed to know for sure._

He knows. Of course he knows. _"Because I kissed him last night and I need an excuse."_

_"Why did you kiss him?"_

_"Because I like him." Darren answered, his voice barely above a whisper._

_"There's your excuse." Joey simply said, pointing out the obvious._

_"You never tell a guy you like him. It makes you look like an idiot." Darren joked, but he was quite serious. He couldn't just tell Chris how he felt, could he?_

_"And lying about being drugged by an non-existent drug doesn't?" Joey questioned jokingly. "He knows you, so he knows you're an idiot without a doubt." Darren looked disappointed. "But he still likes you." _

Darren chuckled at the memory. He was so oblivious and blind to how simple it all was. "What's so funny?" Chris asked, monotone, when he felt Darren's chuckle against his neck.

"Nothing, just a memory." Darren shrugged it off. He didn't want to talk too much, he just wanted to enjoy the moment with Chris. They were curled up on the couch, because they made the rule to put all their work aside at least once a week to make time for each other. They thought it was important to spend time together that was fully dedicated to them. Even if it was just laying together, sharing the silence, they loved every minute of it. But Chris had been tense for a few days. Darren didn't know what it was, but he decided not to push the matter. Chris seemed to remember their drinks at that moment, he reached for his diet coke on the coffee table. "Chris that diet coke has been there for over an hour. I think it's warm by now."

"Well, I like diet coke and it's available, so why not drink it?" Chris said, a little too intense to be talking about the drink.

"Because if you got up you could get a cold one from the fridge." He nudged his head towards the kitchen. "Cold diet coke is better." Darren stated.

"Maybe I don't want to have the cold one." Chris hissed.

"Why wouldn't you?" Darren questioned, he didn't get why his boyfriend didn't want the cold beverage instead of the warm one. "Do you like warm diet coke?"

"No of course I don't." Chris turned around rapidly to face Darren.

"Then why don't you want the cold Diet Coke?" Darren asked the obvious question.

"I want the cold Diet Coke!" Chris answered forcefully. "I just don't want you to want me to want it."

_What is going on here? Is he ill? Has he had enough sleep?_ "If it makes you feel any better, I'll get it for you if you want me to." Darren offered, not sure what to say.

"It's not about the Diet Coke!" Chris exclaimed.

Darren had sort of figured that out, he didn't know what they were talking about, though. "I'm really not good at metaphors, what are we talking about?"

"About us." Chris answered bluntly. _Not really clarifying, but were getting there._ Darren thought.

"I still don't get it." Darren pressed, hoping he would get a reasonable explanation out of Chris.

"You're me and I'm the warm Diet Coke." Chris explained. One thing wasn't clear to Darren. He wanted Chris, but Chris didn't want the warm drink, he wanted the cold one. So in Chris' metaphor Darren didn't want Chris, but he wanted something else.

"What does the cold one stand for?" Darren worded his question.

"Girls." Chris simply answered.

"Girls?"

"Yes." Chris confirmed. "I want Diet Coke. That means you don't want to be lonely, you want a relationship. I'm the warm Diet Coke. I'm here and available. You just take the warm drink because you don't have the time to get up and go to the fridge. You don't have time to meet new girls. But you want to. And I just don't want you to. But you just said it yourself, cold Diet Coke is better than warm Diet Coke." Chris finished.

Darren had trouble wrapping his head around it. _So Chris thinks I'm in a relationship with him just to be in a relationship with someone. Because I don't have a lot of time to meet new people, I just have to put up with him. Does he really think that? Is he blind? Can't he see that I care about him? I care about him more than I've ever cared about anyone. I've never had this strong and intense feelings for anyone. I've never loved anyone more. _

"I said that because I really thought we were talking about the drink." Darren pointed out. He didn't think Chris was that insecure about their relationship. Apparently he still thought that Darren was going to run away with some random girl. "I think you're wrong. I think you're the cold Diet Coke." Chris looked confused. "I might have to work a little harder to get you, but when I have you, it's way better and totally worth it." He explained and ended with a sweet kiss on Chris' lips. "I love cold Diet Coke." Darren spoke securely.

Chris' eyes widened in shock. He was speechless, because he knew exactly what Darren was saying. Darren didn't like Diet Coke at all, he never drank Diet Coke. "You realize what you've just said, right?" Chris asked when he found his voice again, trying to keep the shock out of his voice.

"Totally." Darren smiled brightly. He expected to hear it back.

But instead Chris stayed silent for a moment before speaking hesitantly. "Okay." Was his response that came with a fake smile.

Darren frowned. That was not what he expected to hear. "Okay?" He questioned put loud with a puzzled expression on his face.

"Yes," Chris answered awkwardly. "is that alright?"

It took Darren a moment to process that he was asked a question, but when he snapped out of haze he started saying random words about how 'alright' it was. "Yeah. Of course. Totally. Absolutely. You know, no pressure." They got back in the same position as they had been in before, but it wasn't as comfortable. _He doesn't love me? That... fine. It's okay. I've been thinking about this relationship for three months longer that he has been. Who am I kidding? I want him to love me. Why hasn't he said it? Is he really as serious about this as I am? Apparently not. Can I keep saying it? Do I want to say it again? Yes, yes I do._


	16. Chapter 16

It was not like he didn't like hearing it. He felt honoured when Darren told him he loved him, but he would have preferred if Darren had waited until he was ready too. He had felt it coming up, but still, Darren had caught him off guard.

Truth been told, Darren was kind of an 'I love you' whore. And Chris was the exact opposite. An 'I love you' prude? He had hoped that when Darren said it it would feel right for him to say it back. But Chris just let the chance slip. Again.

He hated himself for not saying it, because pretty much all his previous relationships ended shortly after he didn't say it back. He really didn't want things to end with Darren. He felt like he could never get bored by Darren. Like there was always something new to discover.

Was he in love? Maybe. Did he want to say it? No.

It just didn't feel right. He couldn't find any other words for it. He didn't know what it should feel like, but he had never felt the way the books described he should feel.

His phone ringed him out of his thoughts. "Hey." He greeted when he picked up immediately at the sight of Darren's picture on the screen.

"Hi." Darren spoke at the other side. "As you know, the guys are over right now." Darren started. "And I know you said you've got a lot of work to do, but you've always got a lot of work. And I thought maybe you need a break." He invited Chris over again. He wanted Chris to be there because he loved spending time with him, but Chris had turned down his first invitation. Darren could only wonder if it had anything to do with his 'I love you's.

"That'd be lovely," Answered Chris and Darren cringed slightly at the word love. "but I've got this deadline coming up way too soon and I've got way too much work to do." He added while staring at his laptop.

"Okay," Darren replied a little disappointed, but he knew there was no talking Chris out of something when he had set his mind on it. "well, see you later. Love you."

Chris stayed silent for a second and thought of something to say. "Say 'Hi' to the guys for me." He quickly spoke before hanging up.

"Chris says hi." Darren informed the guys awkwardly, knowing they had heard the whole conversation. He knew his expression screamed 'love sick puppy' but he knew he couldn't hide it even if he tried.

All the guys in the room were watching him with wide eyes. Then Chord came up with the best word to explain their thoughts. "Dude!"

"What?"

"You've reached the 'I love you' level without telling us?" Cory asked in awe. Like he was actually offended that Darren hadn't said anything to them.

"Yeah," Kevin agreed. "you can't just say that to our boy without filling us in."

"It's not that big of a deal." Darren shrugged it off. He didn't really want to talk about it, he had all those new insecurities about his and Chris' relationship and he didn't need the guys to take pity on him.

"It's a huge deal!" Mark protested. "You've just gained 10000 Sappy Couple points. And you and Chris were already record holders."

Darren rolled his eyes at Mark's stupid contest thing. "It doesn't matter," He pointed out and continued before Mark could object again. "because he is not saying it back." He informed them quietly.

"What?" Darren didn't know who asked it, but it didn't matter. What mattered was that he was surrounded by his friends and he knew they could talk to them.

He decided to just tell them what was going on, because he knew they would do the same. "Every time I tell him I love him he gets really awkward and says 'okay', or 'thank you', or he just ignores it."

"So he is not saying it back and you keep saying it?" Harry observed. Darren didn't agree with what he was implying. Darren didn't tell Chris he loved him to hear it back, he told him to let him know. Of course, he would like to hear it back, but the main reason that he said it was that he wanted to express his feelings. He was concerned about the future of their relationship.

"It's true and I want him to know." Darren explained. He didn't think he should stop saying it because he wasn't hearing it back.

Mark had went silent a few minutes ago and his expression was thoughtful. He was clearly trying to remember something. "I've never heard him say it to a guy before." He spoke slowly. The other guys turned their gazes to him. "He tells the girls he loves them, but I've never heard him say it to any of his boyfriends." He explained and the others seemed to realise it too, because a course of 'you're right's and 'that's true's filled the room.

The last thing Darren needed was the mentioning of Chris' ex-boyfriends. And it wasn't even like it was making him feel better. Just because Chris never said it in public didn't mean that he didn't say it at all. "'re you okay?" Damian asked, concerned when he noticed Darren wasn't saying anything anymore.

Darren swallows thickly. "No, I'm not." He answered honestly. He knew that wasn't really the answer people gave to that question, but he was letting it all out anyways. "I really thought we were going strong and that we were on the same page. And then I gathered all the courage I have to tell him the truth about how I've felt about him for weeks and he is having second thoughts about us."

"Maybe he's just slower in this." Chord tried to comfort him. "He isn't an open book, he's not easy to read."

Darren closed his eyes. "Not when he's with me." He breathed. "He usually keeps his emotions under covers for a while, but after that he lets it all out and wears his heart on his sleeve." Darren swallowed the lump in his throat once more.

"How do you know that's all of him?" Cory asked him. Darren didn't fully understand. "Maybe there is a second layer. One that he doesn't even show you." He explained.

"I don't like the sound of that." Darren shook his head. "If he is keeping stuff from me I should have been a better boyfriend." No one said another word about it. The problem was still there, but everything had been said.


	17. Chapter 17

"Ashley?" Darren sobbed desperately in his phone when the dialing tone stopped.

"What?" Her voice was harsh and he knew Chris had called her first.

"Help me?" He begged her, although he knew she wasn't going to help him.

"It's hard to feel sorry for you, hobbit," She told him harshly. "because I just got off the phone with a crying Chris Colfer." _I made him cry._ "Yeah, you know _him_. He is your _boy_friend." She emphasised the words 'him' and 'boy'. "_If _he still is your boyfriend." That sentence broke Darren's heart. _Has he broken up with me?_ Darren couldn't suppress a sob when the thought entered his mind. "Are going to say anything, because I'm not going to listen to how you cry." Darren couldn't answer it. His crying left no place for talking. "I picked my side." And with that Ashley ended the conversation.

Darren stayed curled up in his bed with his shoes still on. He would have been wearing his jacket too if he had grabbed it when he left Chris' apartment. After his sobs died down a bit and he considered himself capable of speaking again he picked up the phone once more.

"Amber?" He asked when the phone got answered at the other end.

"Darren?" She asked concerned, as if she wasn't able to recognize his voice. "What's wrong?" She obviously hadn't heard.

"I'm an idiot." Darren answered in his hoarse voice.

"That has never bothered you before." She deadpanned.

"Can I come over so you can slap me?"

"I highly doubt that I will do that," She comforted him. "but yeah you can come over."

* * *

_"Oh I've been meaning to ask." Chris said earlier that day when he spotted the invitation on the table. He had put it there as a reminder for himself. "My cousin is getting married, do you want to be my plus one to the wedding?" He asked his boyfriend while handing him his beer._

_"Plus one?" Darren asked him offended. "Chris, I'm hurt." He placed his hand on his chest dramatically._

_"What?" He let himself fall in to the couch next to Darren was. "I can't really call it date because were just friends." He explained._

_Darren fisted his hand in his t-shirt where his heart was and pretended to be in pain. "Ah it hurts so bad!" He let himself fall in Chris' lap._

_Chris just rolled his eyes at the scene Darren was making. "You know what I mean." He laughed and helped Darren to sit up again. "We'll be like secret dates." He whispered seductively, knowing Darren would fall immediately for it._

_"Oh,that sounds exciting." Darren said just like Chris expected. Then Darren sighed heavily. "I _love_ weddings. Don't you just _love_ weddings?" Chris just hummed, watching the tv screen absently. "It's so nice to see a couple in _love_." Darren pressed on, watching Chris' face for any sign. "It's just a big party to celebrate the best feeling in the world. _Love_." Nothing. "That feeling someone tells you they _love_ you, it's just amazing. Isn't it?"_

_Chris turned toward him. "Do you really think I'm that stupid?" He questioned._

_Darren hung his head. Maybe he had been a little too obvious. "Well I thought I should give up on being subtle."_

_"Yeah I got your subtle hints too." Darren's head shot up. _He got all the hints and didn't say anything at all? _"You've been using the L-word non-stop lately."_

_"I thought maybe you needed a little push, but you obviously don't love me."_

_"I never said that." Chris protested and quickly broke eyecontact._

_"You didn't say you do, so." Darren trailed off, not really wanting to say it out loud again._

_"That doesn't mean I don't." Chris said quickly and took a sip of his beer._

_Darren couldn't believe him. _He loves me? _To his surprise the thought didn't only bring happiness, but also a lot of frustration. He didn't get why Chris wouldn't just say it if he felt it. "Then just say it!" Darren spoke a little too forceful._

_Chris made eyecontact again, his mouth hanging slightly open at Darren's tone. "I'm not saying it because you want to hear it! I'll say it when I feel like saying it! It just doesn't feel right for me yet."_

_Darren snorted. He didn't believe one word of it. "So when your boyfriend tells you he loves you, it's weird for you to say it back?" Chris shrugged hesitantly in response. "Just stop being so scared and neurotic all the time!"_

_"Excuse me?" Chris asked, not really getting what that had to do with their conversation._

_"You're always second guessing whatever I say or do. That makes me feel like I've done something wrong. And whenever something doesn't go how you've planned you freak out and start running round screaming, but there hardly is a problem."_

_"That's offensive!" Chris yelled. _God, I hate it when my voice sounds like this when I get emotional. Dogs go crazy. _"This is not about me. I'm sorry that you are being an attention whore and you feel the desperate need to throw your emotions around. I'm sorry if some of us actually have personal space." He held his hands up in defense._

_"Someone is in their period." Darren muttered and everything stopped. It seemed to take hours before he realised what he said, but it was a split second in reality. His eyes went wide and he slowly looked up at Chris, who had jumped up when he said it. What he saw was pure fury. Chris was absolutely boiling with rage and he looked like he was going to throw Darren out of the window._

_"You have ten minutes to gather your stuff." He hissed sharply. "I'll burn everything you leave behind." He eyed Darren as if he was disgusted by him._

_Darren felt his eyes burning with tears. "No, Chris. I-" Darren tried to reach for Chris' hand, but it was slapped away hard._

_"Ten! Minutes!" Chris yelled. Darren got up and stormed out of the door, crying._

* * *

Amber welcomed a very upset Darren in her cosy apartment. Darren didn't know how he got there. He was pretty sure he had driven himself, but it was beyond him how he had seen the traffic through his tears. When she had made him a cup of tea and settled next to him she started. "Now tell me what's wrong." She demanded gently.

Darren trailed the edge of the mug with his thumb for a minute. "I sort of called Chris a girl." Before he knew it Darren was slapped across the face by Amber. He grabbed at his burning cheek with both hands. "You said you wouldn't do that!" He squeaked.

"You deserved it!" She yelled back. "How can you do that? What is wrong with you?" She questioned angrily.

Darren instantly felt more guilty. "We were fighting and we said stupid things and I accidentally said something about him being in his period." He explained with a pained expression on his face.

"You screwed up." Amber stated.

"I know." Darren growled and covered his face with his hands.

Amber shook her head. "No, you don't. He's been bullied all his life."

"I-"

"Stop interrupting!" She ordered before calming her voice again. "He's been bullied. And he always passes it off as a joke, like being casual about having no friends, or making jokes about his witty responses. But it's not a joke. They treated him like a girl. They locked him up in the girls' bathroom, they broke in on his locker during PE and replaced his clothes with a dress. When they made Kurt wear a skirt for the first time, he came to me and he cried for half an hour. He refused to put it on and got in a fight with the director. In the end he had to wear it. Everyone kept telling him how good he looked in it, but that made things worse. He didn't want to look good in that skirt, he wanted to look horrible in it, because girls look good in skirts. Bottom line: You are gonna need a hell lot more than 'I'm sorry' to get this right." She informed him firmly.

Darren knew he had been wrong, but then he realised _how_ wrong he had been.


	18. Chapter 18

**_For the purposes of this fic, let's just pretend Chris adopted Brain when this fic is set._**  
**_Thank you so much for reading._**

* * *

It took a very long and intense pep-talk to get Chris on the rails again. Chris was glad Ashley liked giving him pep-talks, because if she didn't, she would have ran away long ago. Okay, maybe they had sat down and watched horrible tv with a tub of ice cream before the whole pep-talk started, but it was mainly the comforting words that kept Chris on his feet. And food. He liked food. Especially free food. And he did something slightly stupid. Most people would get drunk and do some_one_ stupid in his situation, but not Chris. No, Chris adopted a cat. He didn't remember exactly how, but he did. He adopted a big cat called Brian, because Brian looked like he could use some love. He loved the animal already. Brian matched his personality perfectly. He kept shooting him icy glares, the ones Chris was very good at himself.

Chris was almost smiling at the memory of the picture of Brian he had taken earlier, when a tall figure appeared next to him. "Hi." Jake greeted him.

_Well shit._ Chris thought. He couldn't use more drama. He sighed heavily. "Jake, can we not do this? Not today? I'm really tired and I don't think I can handle it today."

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry." Jake said much to Chris' surprise. "I was being childish and I should have left you alone when you asked me to. So, I'm sorry." He offered with apologetic smile.

"Thank you." Chris said relieved when he had decided Jake was being serious. "God, at least something turned out right." He rubbed his eyes.

"Are you having a rough day?" Jake politely tried to make conversation.

"Yeah," Chris admitted. "Darren and I had a fight last night and he left. I kind of told him to, but still. And I really want to see him, but I really don't and Ashley-" Then Chris realised he was talking to Jake. _Jake._ "I'm sorry. That was uncalled for."

"No, it's fine." Jake shook his head, smiling. "Are you two gonna be okay?" He asked and Chris wondered if he actually wanted them to be okay.

"I don't know." Chris sighed and that unsettling feeling welled up again. "He screwed up really bad," He told Jake. "but I already miss him. And I know that is stupid, because it hasn't even been a day, but, yeah." He trailed off awkwardly.

Jake put a comforting hand on Chris' shoulder. "It's not stupid. Whatever he did, I'm sure it was just a misunderstanding." Chris was surprised by how sincere Jake sounded.

"He called me a girl." Chris replied with a 'bitch please' face. He couldn't see how that was a misunderstanding. He heard it clearly.

Jake's eyebrows frowned together. "Oh," He said quietly. "well I don't see an explanation for that right now, but I'm sure he didn't mean it like that."

Chris snorted. _Yeah right._ "Well, he hasn't done anything to explain it to me, so he's screwed." Jake nodded understanding. After a few moments of silence Chris made an attempt to change the subject. "I'm surprised you're taking this so well. I'm practically telling you I'm single again and you're not trying anything." He stated. The conversation between them was going surprisingly well.

Jake shrugged. "I realise how happy you were together and I was being stupid. I seriously hope you guys work this out." He shot Chris another apologetic smile.

Chris smiled back, slightly sad. "Thanks, that's really nice," He didn't know what came over him when he leaned in to hug Jake. "even though I'm not sure if you mean it." He added, talking over Jake's shoulder.

"I mean it." He promised Chris when he pulled away and held him on armlength.

"Okay." Said Chris and walked in silence with Jake.

Little did they know, Darren had seen their conversation from a big enough distance to be out of earshot. He didn't like one bit of what he was seeing. _Jake? That's a low blow, Chris._ He had left Chris the previous day when Chris had told him to. He hadn't packed any of his stuff, because it didn't matter to him. Either they would be alright and he wouldn't have to empty his part in Chris' closet because he would come back. Or Chris would really burn his stuff, but he wouldn't care because if he didn't have the other man around he couldn't bring himself to care about material things.

After witnessing the embrace Jake and Chris just shared he began to believe it would be the later. He couldn't believe he had screwed everything up with one stupid comment. He didn't even know why he said it. He was very much aware that Chris wasn't a girl and he didn't mind one single bit. But he had still said the most stupid thing in the world. And he had chosen the moment that Chris was closer to saying 'I love you' than ever. Just thinking about it made Darren want to punch himself. It took everything he had to drag himself the way to the studios, because, of course, all his scenes were with Chris.

Hair and make-up were a blur for both of the actors. Everything was a blur for Chris when he saw his chair was located right next to Darren's. As always. Like nothing had happened.

Darren did the exact same when he arrived at his chair. He stood in front of it for a moment to stare at it. _Should I stay standing? Will someone notice? No, I have to face him anyway. Better do it now than when I have to give him a smitten look. Which isn't hard, but I might have to cry. That's it. Walk to the chair, Darren. Good boy, just a few steps. Now sit down and pretend there is nothing wrong. No, don't do that. Just don't do anything. And... I'm sitting._

Chris noticed Darren sitting down next to him. He kept his eyes on the script, but he didn't get the words his eyes were scanning. He was starting to panic. _Ashley. What did Ashley tell me to do?_

_"He just says these really sweet things to me all the time. And when I'm upset he knows exactly what to say to calm me down. And he makes me feel so good and beautiful with just his words. But then he says something to completely screw it up. And then he talks to me and starts saying those sweet things again. And he's so charming, I'm like goo in his hands. And he always gets me to forging him. He is like some kind of magical, charming wizard. And I am under his spell." Chris cried on Ashley's shoulder while she slowly rubbed his back._

_"Don't fall for him this time." She told him. Chris looked up to meet her eye, his were watery and red rimmed. "Don't forgive him. He went too far and he needs to pay for it. You have to spend some time alone if that's what's needed to make him realise he is miserable without you." She advised, no, ordered him._

_Chris didn't like the idea, though. Time alone would torture him just as much as it would torture Darren. "But I am miserable without him." He barely got the words out, because his throat was sore from all the crying he had done._

_"You are not miserable." Ashley told him and pushed him to sit up straight. "You are Chris Colfer! You're independent. You don't need a guy to live, you've got your own life. You have a house, a job, the looks, a good amount of money, you've got the brains too but no one would care if you didn't because look at you and you've got a cat." Chris couldn't help but laugh a little at the mention of Brian. "I'm still not sure why, but I think I like him." She eyed the cat that was inspecting the television as if it was an object out of space. "Just a quick question, what about your fish?" She asked and Chris loved how easily she could take his mind off things._

_Honestly, he hadn't really thought about his fish. But they just had to learn to live with their new friend. _That won't work. _Chris made a mental note to put the bowl on the highest cupboard in his apartment before it was too late. "They'll live."_

_"I don't know." Ashley said suspiciously before getting back to her pep-talk. "Anyway, you're the catch. Show him he can't break you. If he wants to be part of your world, he'd better work for it."_

_She shouldn't have said that. All Chris got from that sentence was the name of Darren's favorite Disney song. "He likes that song." _

_Chris started to cry again, but Ashley stopped him by grabbing his face and telling him "Don't." Chris just nodded._

Make him pay. "Really?" Chris slammed his script down in his lap.

Darren jumped at his sudden anger. "What?" He asked with 'deer in headlights' eyes.

"Nothing?" The younger actor asked him, but all he received was a confused expression. "You have _nothing_ to say to me?" Chris clarified his question angrily.

Darren opened his mouth to say something, but then an image of Chris hugging his stalker flashed through his mind. "I was going to apologize, but I suddenly don't feel the need anymore." He said and it sounded more sassy than he had implied to.

"Ex_cuse_ me?" Chris couldn't believe what he was hearing. Why didn't Darren feel the need to apologize for his action? He had all the reason to apologize. "What is wrong with you?" He hissed.

"I could ask you the same thing." Darren laughed bitterly and crossed his arms over his chest.

Chris' eyes widened in surprise of what he was hearing. "What did _I_ do wrong?" He was simply offended by Darren.

"You know what you did. I'm not even gone and you're already getting it somewhere else." Darren snapped.

"What on Earth are you talking about?" Chris asked completely taken aback by Darren's tone. He honestly didn't know what he was going on about.

"Do I have to do all the talking?"

"You're doing all the babbling."

"I saw you with Jake this morning." Darren explained. "You were embracing him." His voice held nothing but disgust. He practically spit the words out.

Chris rolled his eyes at Darren's jealously. _God, that song really didn't come out of nowhere._ "Darren, it was a hug." He pointed out, annoyed by the scene the other man was making. "You hug everyone." He threw his hands up.

"But you don't!" Darren reasoned.

"Maybe I just missed being hugged?" Chris wrapped his arms around himself in a weak shield. "Since I met you I haven't gone unhugged for so long." He admitted and hated how vulnerable he was sounding all of a sudden.

"I love you." Darren told him and Chris could see he truly meant it. He almost fell for it. Almost. _Don't fall for him this time. Don't forgive him._ Ashley's words echoed in his mind.

"No." He simply said. "We're not getting back together like this." He shook his head to show how certain he was. "You called me a girl and you have no idea what that does to me. It's the worst thing you could possibly say to me. I'm really mad at you."

Darren felt awful, because they were in public. "I get that," He tried to calm Chris down. "but it's a very common thing to say when you're fighting with a girl."_ Good job. That totally came out wrong._

Chris' jaw dropped when he heard Darren's words. He jumped up because he felt tears pricking behind his eyes. "What is wrong with you?" He whispered with the same anger as the night before. "You're doing it again!"

"No, that didn't come out right." Darren was on his feet too and grabbing Chris' wrist when he saw him turning away. "Listen to me." He begged.

"Let me go." Chris muttered, trying to pull his wrist free, but not making any effort.

"What I meant to say was-"

Chris maneuvered out of the grasp with a ninja twirl. "Just save it for when you have what you want! A girlfriend!" He yelled while storming out, not caring that there was a scene he had to film.

Darren was left behind, staring at Chris who was walking away. Various people around him were watching him with shocked expressions.

"What are you looking at? Go after him and fix this with you stupid mouth!" Ryan yelled at him, not really caring about the scene, but about the broken boy that had just walked out.


	19. Chapter 19

Chris had waited a few days to tell Ashley what happened. He didn't want to seem dependent and run to mommy Ash every time something happened. No, he waited for her to come to him. "He came after you?" She asked, petting Brian's fur when he curiously stepped on her lap.

"Yes." Chris answered nonchalantly.

_"Chris." Darren said in relief when he found Chris in the bathroom after he had stormed out._

_"Get away from me." Chris jerked away when he saw who entered the bathroom._

_"Please just listen to me." Darren begged and took Chris' hands away from his face where he was trying to cover his watery eyes._

_Chris pulled his hands free from Darren's grasp. "I listened to you and you just made it worse."_

_"It was a misunderstanding." _

_"I don't care!" Chris burst out, hot, angry tears streaming down his face. "Don't you see that you piss me off so much?" He asked Darren._

_Darren knew how wrong he had been. He also knew all he could do was apologize to Chris a thousand times. "I know I was absolutely wrong when I-"_

_"It's not just that!" Chris growled as if was all so obvious. "You don't trust me one bit! You think I just go with whatever any guy suggests! I don't even like Jake and here you are, being your sassy diva self and trying to make me look bad for _hugging_ someone. _Hugging_, Darren." Chris was absolutely frustrated. He felt like pulling his own hair out. Darren's would be even better. "It's not like I slept with someone!" He yelled on top of his lungs._

This is where you go absolutely wrong, Colfer. You can't just plain lie to me. _"Oh really?" Darren asked with a sarcastic laugh. He hadn't mentioned it before, because he knew Chris technically didn't do anything wrong. He wasn't technically cheating, but it hurt. It hurt how easy it was for Chris. "I hate how you just replace me. You can't just do that. Not to me, nor yourself. It's not healthy." Darren sounded pathetic, but he couldn't bring himself to care._

_"What the hell are you talking about?" Chris didn't know what Darren was going on about. What did he mean by replacing him?_

_Darren hugged himself. "I heard things." He almost whispered. "At lunch I saw you showing pictures to he girls. Pictures of some dude named Brian and he was 'so cute'." he did a pathetic imitation of a girl's voice with his last two words. "And 'you allowed him in your bed already'." He repeated the words he had heard Naya say. Chris shook his head and laughed at him. "Why would you take pictures of that?" Darren sobbed, only then he realised he was crying. Chris took his phone and unlocked the screen. _I swear, if he is going to show me those pictures I will go sick and smash that phone into pieces. _"And why would you show them to-" Chris held the phone in front of Darren's face. It usually showed a pictures of them together, smiling brightly, but the wallpaper had been changed to a picture of a big cat on a bed. _Why am I looking at a picture of a fat cat? _"What is this? A cat?" Darren started to question the sanity of his boyf- colleague._

_"My cat." Chris informed him. "His name is Brian and he already claimed a spot on my bed." He clarified the misunderstanding._

_Darren let out a relieved breath. "You got a cat?" He still thought it was a strange move. "A cat?"_

_"Yes." Chris pocketed the phone again. "I like cats." He said coolly._

_"And I don't." Darren blinked. He wasn't good with cats. "Does it have something to do with that?" He asked, hoping for a yes. Something about the idea of Chris thinking about him was comforting. Even if Chris was thinking of ways to mock him._

_Chris shrugged with an evil smirk. "It's a bonus."_

_"I would love to meet him." Darren lied. He hoped Chris had forgiven him. There still was a lot to say, but he hoped he got to say it to his _boyfriend_._

_Chris lost his smirk immediately. _That is not going to happen._ Chris thought Darren was making in too easy on myself. "You think I forgot what you just did out there?" He asked, ready to fight again._

_"Just hear me out and you can be as mad as you feel like being afterwards." Darren just wanted to explain why he accidentally said those things._

_"Speak before I change my mind." Chris said, avoiding any kind of eye contact._

_"I never meant to call you that." He started. "Thing is, I've never had those kind of fights with a man before." He admitted. Sometimes Chris forgot. Sometimes _Darren_ forgot. It was so easy to be around each other. "I'm still so new to this. I know that I was wrong, but I hope you'll forgive me." Darren begged in his last sentence._

_Chris was struggling not to fall for the eyes. He was focussing on the crap he would receive from Ashley if he gave in. "You don't know what kind of impact these sort of insults have."_

_"I do." Darren objected quickly. He realised Chris had never told him, so he wasn't supposed to know. "I talked to Amber and she told me what you've been through. I'm so sorry." Chris didn't seem to believe him. "I honestly am. I'll make sure it will never happen again." He promised. "Ever."_

_Chris crossed his arms over his chest. "Make me believe it." He said in an emotionless tone._

_"What?" Darren wasn't keeping up._

_Chris narrowed his eyes at him. "Put effort in showing me you mean it. Make me believe you want to be with me."_

_Darren swallowed. "How?" He asked, unsure._

_Chris shrugged. "Be creative." He answered and left the bathroom. _

_Just before he closed the door he heard what Darren said to him. "I- I can do that. I'm going to do that."_

"So?" Ashley asked. Chris shot her a questioning look. "What did he come up with?"

"He- well." Chris trailed off awkwardly, avoiding Ashley's eyes.

"He didn't do anything, did he?" Ashley's expression was painful. Chris shook his head, for some reason he was slightly ashamed. "Honey," She said in a hushed voice. "don't you think you should stop waiting for Mr. Stupidhead?" Chris wanted to tell her not to call him that. But then he realised Darren was a Mr, he had a head and he was quite stupid. In a cute way, Chris told himself. So, yeah, Mr. Stupidhead fitted just fine. "Maybe you shouldn't keep on waiting for him."

Chris was surprised. _Is she telling me to move on? Is she telling me everything was a mistake?_ "What happened to you?" Chris asked and sounded more offended than he intended to. "When Darren and I first got together you were happy for me. Now, you're telling me to let him go and move on. What changed?" He asked, taken aback by his friend's sudden change.

"You did." She confronts him gently. Chris was shaking his head. _I haven't changed. I'm still the same as ever. _Ashley saw his confusion. "Honey," She started. "I love you and Mr. Stupidhead is my friend too. I think you guys were cute together," Chris winced at the word 'were'. "but ever since you started dating him you've only come to me to cry about him." Chris hung his head. She was right. He honestly couldn't remember the last time they did something fun together. "What if he puts effort in getting you back?" She asked. Chris thought the answer was obvious. "You'll take him back." She stated.

"Yes." Chris simply confirmed._ It's obvious, right?_

"What are you going to do then?" She asked.

"Marry him and love him until we die." Chris answered only half joking. He saw a future with Darren. He really did. Of course he wouldn't tell Darren, especially at that moment.

She looked at him suspiciously. "Do you believe that?"

Chris sighed. "No." He answered honestly. "First we fight for marriage equality and then we'll get married. If society decides to be a bitch even after our inspiring fight for love we'll get promise rings and promise each other to be faithful forever and we'll love each other until we die." He rushed out. _Okay, you have officially reached the point of desperate in this break-up._ Chris told himself.

Ashley rolled her eyes at him. Of course Chris had put too much thought in it. "I'm not saying you shouldn't ever be together again. I'm saying you shouldn't just take him back without giving it a second thought. It's alright to just stop and think for a minute. He screwed up more than once by being incredibly stupid." She tried to bring his dreamy mind back to Earth.

He had put enough thought in it. He knew exactly what he wanted. He just needed to know Darren wanted the same on an equal level. "I know," He groaned. "but we'll get through it, together." He didn't even hear how cheesy he was being.

Ashley felt bad for him. "You really are miserable without him." She stated when she saw her friend getting lost in a daydream.

"I miss him so much." He replied, trying to blink back tears.

"I know, Honey," She kissed the top of his head. "but I just miss my friend." She just wanted the old Chris back. The guy she befriended. "I miss seeing him happy."


	20. Chapter 20

**_So, this is the final chapter. I hope you like it._**

**_Thank you for reading._**

* * *

Chris left his apartment the next morning. The idea of calling in sick was just as appealing as it had been the mornings before. He closed the door to his apartment and locked it. When he was about to walk away he noticed a little piece of neatly ripped off notebook paper stuck on the door. He looked around himself to see who could have left it there, but the hallway was empty. He took the paper off the door and read what it said.

**I love how you can't draw hearts.**

_Well, that's completely random. _He didn't recognize the handwriting right away, but when he looked at the words a little longer he saw it was Darren's. He didn't recognize it because the words were actually readable. _Darren must have spent some time writing this, because I've never been able to read his handwriting._ Chris thought.

_Chris was mindlessly doodling hearts in the corner of his script. Darren sat down next to him and studied the little drawings. He couldn't make out what he was trying to do. He thought Chris might be trying to test the pen he was using, but the thing seemed to be working just fine. "Why are you torturing the paper like that?"_

_"I'm not torturing it! These are hearts!" Chris had said._

He folded the paper in half and put it in his pocket. He got to the lobby of his apartment building and was about to leave, but the doorman stopped him. He said a nameless man left something for him. The doorman reached under his desk and pulled a second piece of notebook paper in sight. Chris took it from the man and read what it said.

**I love the way your glasses almost fall off your nose when you're writing.**

_Chris pressed his nose to his notebook, furiously writing away. He was on fire. The words just kept streaming out of his pen. Out of nowhere a hand appeared and the hand pushed his glasses back in place. He didn't even notice it anymore, because it was the hundredth time Darren had done it._

Chris thanked the doorman and put the note in the same pocket as the other one. He left the building for real to get to his car. But when he wanted to open the car he saw a third little piece of paper on the window.

**I love how I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and you're scribbling ideas in your notebook. When you notice I'm awake you smile at me and come back to bed.**

_Low lighting was bad for writing. Chris had learned that the hard way. But Darren was sound asleep in the same room and he didn't want to wake him up. He had woken up minutes earlier with an idea that couldn't wait until the morning._

_He was starting his last sentence when he heard a shifting noise behind him. Chris turned around to see Darren was rubbing his eyes sleepily. He smiled at his boyfriend, scribbled the last words on paper and went back to bed._

He put his bag on the backseat of his car and drove to the studios. When he arrived the security guard at the entrance stopped the car. Chris sighed. _They should know me by now. _He opened the window to explain that, no, he wasn't a crazy teenager and he actually worked there. But the guy in suit just handed him another note and motioned for him to drive on. When he parked the car Chris read the note.

**I love how I can forget about everything when I'm with you.**

It made Chris think of all those times they had planned on doing something together, but the second they saw each other their plans were forgotten.

It put a smile on his face. He knew where he could find the next one. He tried to look casual while getting to his trailer in record speed. And he was right. On his door was another note.

**I love how every song reminds me of you.**

_"Oh my God! Do you hear this? It's teenage dream. This song is about us!" Darren exclaimed when the song came on the radio. _

_"Dare, I've heard this song too many times. Please make it stop." Chris whined and covered his ears._

_"Fine." Darren sighed and changed the channel. "This one! This one is about us too!" He screamed in excitement when he found another song._

_"Darren, this is a Nickleback song. I'm offended this makes you think of me." Chris pouted._

He ripped the note off the door and opened it. He threw his bag in a corner and went to see what outfit was put together for the day. When he saw it was a pair of jeans that would probably take some help getting into he decided to have a Diet Coke first. He opened the fridge and took the last can. He swore there was a full six pack in there the day before. Then he saw the note on the can.

**I love that I'll never look at Diet Coke the same way again.**

Chris thought about the lame metaphor Darren had used to tell him he loved him for the first time.

He pocketed the note and went over the script he had forgotten in his trailer the night before. And sure enough, when he turned the page, there was another note.

**I love running my hand through your hair.**

_"Darren! What are you doing?" Chris yelled when Darren ruffled his perfectly styled hair. The hair and make-up people had put extra effort in Kurt's prom hair, because they wanted him to look special. But Darren was ruining it._

_"I'm getting the confetti out. It's all over the place." He said while trying to get all the shiny pieces out of Chris' hair. "Oh, your hair is soft." Darren said, running his hand through it way more times than necessary. "How can your hair be this soft?"_

Chris smiled when he remembered he made Darren apologize for the hair to the hair and make-up staff.

After he snapped out of his daydream he went back to the script. When he was reading his last scene he saw not one, but two notes. The first one said.

**I love that you'll make me learn to live with Brian.**

And the second one.

**I think I'll love Brian, but I won't tell you. I'll secretly feed him behind your back.**

Chris could imagine how Darren would refuse to admit he liked Brian. He would secretly pet him when he would think Chris wasn't watching. He would feed him behind his back. And Chris would see it, but he wouldn't say anything.

He shook his head and gave in to the urge he was fighting to look for more notes. First, he flipped through the rest of the script. Nothing. Then, he opened all the cupboards and drawers. Nothing. He checked all the windows, every surface, but there were no more notes. The bathroom. He hadn't checked that part of the trailer. He immediately spotted the paper on the mirror above the little sink.

**I love how you troll the internet after a big Klaine episode and say 'never again' afterwards every time.**

_"Oh my God!" Chris yelled. "Look at this! This girl is actually crying! We made her cry, Darren. She says 'You assholes, stop being so perfect. You're ruining my life.'" Chris read to Darren. "I'm confused. Does she hate us, or not?" He asked, confused by the girl's mysterious comment. "She seems to be suffering some sort of mental illness. Should we send her a phone number of a therapists? I think she could use it." Darren was about to answer when Chris slapped a hand over his eyes. "Fanart! Didn't need to see that! Why would they think of things like that?" He asked, visibly in shock. Darren just laughed at him, because it was always like that. "This was my last time ever on tumblr. I swear, I'm done with it."_

_Needless to say, Chris was on his laptop a week later._

There seemed to be no more notes in his trailer. Chris was curious if there were more notes outside. He ran to hair and make-up a little early. He arrived and was a little disappointed he hadn't been able to find more notes on his way. He greeted the staff and the three women each handed him a note.

**I love that you didn't burn any of my stuff.**

_"Colfer?" Ashley called from his bedroom. "What's this?"_

_Chris stepped into the room and snatched the item she was holding out of Ashley's hand. "What are you doing in my bedroom?" He would have sounded stern if he wasn't blushing furiously._

_"Why did you dress your pillow in a t-shirt?" She avoided his question._

_"It looked naked?" Chris lied, not even trying to sound convincing._

_"Is that Darren's?" Chris nodded hesitantly. "I thought you burned his stuff."_

_"I did!" Chris said quickly, hugging the pillow close. "If burning means gathering all of it in a closet and staring at it all night while crying." He muttered into the pillow._

**I love your hip dance kind of thing.**

_"Please don't do this to me?" Chris begged as Darren was focusing on his computer screen and trying to mimic the hip movements. Chris slammed the laptop shut._

_"Come on, teach me!"_

_Chris covered his eyes to not look at the pout on Darren's face. "I'm not teaching you the single ladies dance!"_

_"Not the single ladies dance. That hip dance you do. Have you ever noticed you are the only one who can pull that off?" Darren tried to uncover Chris' eyes and used his best puppy dog eyes._

_Darren was right. Chris was the only one who could pull it off._

**I love how straightforward you are when you're sleepy.**

_Chris woke up to his phone ringing. He was sure it was an emergency, because there was no other reason to call someone in the middle of the night, right? "Hello?" He yawned sleepily after pressing the answer button._

_"So I wrote a musical about bugs already." Darren's way too awake voice came from the other side of the line. "What if I write another one about a butterfly who wants to fly to the sun. And it will walk over a rainbow-"_

_"Darren?" Chris interrupted. "It's gay." Was all he said before hanging up and going back to sleep._

Chris was smiling like an idiot at the little memories that came with the notes. He got his make-up and hair done and left for his trailer. When he opened the door to leave the room he saw a can of Diet Coke on the floor. _So that happened to the six pack._ Chris thought and picked it up.

**I love how you can get really intense about llamas.**

_"Interesting, right?" Chris asked after an impressive list of llama fun-facts._

_"Defiantly." Darren said. He didn't really think llamas were that interesting, but he loved seeing Chris talk so passionately about something._

_"And did you know a llama can-" Chris went on._

He went to his trailer for his costume and to place the Diet Coke in the fridge. When he reached the door there was another note there. Darren was following him around and leaving the notes when he wasn't looking.

**I love your kisses.**

There had been numerous times that Darren had kissed him even though Chris was unsure about being in public.

Chris looked at the clothes he was supposed to wear for the day. He sighed again when he saw the pants. He struggled getting into them and put his hands in the pockets to get everything in place. In his left pocket he found a note.

**I love the mornings when I pretend to be asleep because you are stroking through my hair and humming to me and I know you'll stop when I 'wake up'.**

_Chris woke up with a weight on his chest. When he opened his eyes al he saw was a big mess of dark curls. He brought his hand to Darren's hair and stroke his fingers through it. He played with a soft curl and started humming a tune that he couldn't remember the name of. He loved those mornings. He could just shamelessly look at Darren without him noticing._

Chris couldn't believe those mornings were fake. He wondered if Darren had been awake all the times he had been staring at him. Chris took his own jeans and put the note in the pocket. He wondered if Darren had been in his trailer when he was getting his make-up done. When he noticed his laptop on the coffee table he knew Darren had been there. He hadn't placed the laptop there.

He sat down on the couch and opened it to reveal a note.

**I love that you write everything on paper first because it makes your book more real.**

_"What are you doing?" Darren asked in a sing a song voice when he had watched Chris write in his notebook for several minutes._

_"Writing." Chris answered in the same voice._

_"What are you writing?" It was Darren's turn to ask a question, still using the annoying voice._

_Chris looked at him as if he tried to say 'I've told you this a million times.' "My book." He broke their game of using the sing a song voice._

_"Don't you have a laptop for that?"_

_"I do." Chris answered, not taking his eyes off the paper. "But I'm _writing_ a book. Others _type_ a book. This gives me a sense of reality. I can pick this up. I can touch this. I can flip through this."_

He knew Darren didn't get it. Darren just saw it as doing it all twice. 'You're writing a book, this is like writing two at once.' He had said. But Chris also knew Darren liked picking up his notebook and reading random bits of the story.

He got to the set where he was going to be filming a scene with Lea. He dropped his bag on his chair, but he immediately took the bag off the chair again. He picked up the piece of paper that was crushed by his bag.

**I love your skin.**

Was written on the slightly wrinkled paper.

_"What's up with your skin?" Darren asked, rubbing his thumb over the skin of Chris' hand._

_Chris looked at him in wonder. "It's see-through." Chris joked, really not getting what kind of answer Darren was expecting._

_Darren laughed lightly. "How is your skin this soft?" Darren touched Chris' face to find it was just as soft._

_Chris laughed awkwardly and slapped Darren's hands away. Darren was touching him like a monkey and they were in public._

"He's smiling again!" Lea exclaimed from behind Chris. "Is everything alright again?" She asked him with a knowing smile. Chris muttered a 'getting there' and put the note in his bag. "That reminds me." Lea spoke with here never ending enthusiasm and handed him a note with a bright smile.

**I love those cheesy poems you secretly write.**

Chris was blushing furiously. He didn't know Darren knew about his poems. He was so embarrassed. He thought he hid his secret poem notebook pretty well, but Darren had read them. He couldn't believe Darren still loved him after reading those horrible poems.

"Chris?" Lea waved a hand in front of his face. "Chris? Are you still in there?" She asked.

"Sorry, what were you saying?" Chris asked, slowly recovering from his shock.

"Ryan told us to get in place three times." She giggled.

They got into places at Kurt's locker. Chris was pretending to be putting books in Kurt's bag. Rachel was talking to him and he opened a book to have some action with his hands. He always made sure he wasn't just standing there, because-

A little piece of paper fell out of the book. Chris immediately crouched to pick it up. Ryan yelled cut, but Chris didn't hear him. He wasn't paying attention to anything other than the note.

**I love the way your poems sound when I sing them to myself.**

Chris remembered that one time he surprised Darren by sneaking in to his apartment. Darren had been singing something that sounded familiar to Chris, but he didn't know the tune. Chris' heart melted when he realised Darren had memorized his poem.

"You done grinning like that?" Ryan tried his best to sound annoyed, but he was relieved to see Chris smile like that.

Chris coughed once and forced himself back in character. With each take he opened another another book. Chris was only slightly disappointed when he found only two more notes in the books.

**I kind of hate it when I can't fall asleep because you haven't kissed me goodnight, but then I realise it's because I love you and I sort of love it.**

_Chris saw Darren the one calling him in the middle of the night again. He pressed the answer button. "I swear, if this is about a unicorn that wants to-"_

_Darren laughed sleepily. "No, it's not about that." Darren told him. "I wanted to say goodnight." He said, almost shyly. "I couldn't fall asleep without saying that. I really want to kiss you right now, but I guess that'll have to wait until tomorrow."_

**I love that your eyes change colour.**

_"I should make a list of your eyes' colours." Darren said out of the blue._

_Chris stopped questioning Darren's comments after a couple of them. He knew Darren would just stare in his eyes some more and he would forget about the list before he would even start it._

Chris was glad he could pull of reading the notes without interrupting the scene the last two times. He wanted to put the three new notes in his bag, but his bag was placed on the floor and on his chair was a can of Diet Coke with a note stuck to it.

**I love that we can laugh so hard we both forget what we were laughing about.**

_Chris was crying and so was Darren. I would have looked sad if they weren't laughing so hard. They were doubled over on the floor, because they had fallen off the couch at some point. Neither could remember when it had happened, all they knew was they laughed harder because of it._

_"What was this funny again?" Darren managed to gasp out._

_Chris thought for a moment. "I don't know." He concluded._

_They looked at each other for a moment before the laughter set in again._

Chris hadn't even seen Darren on the set to put the can there. He was starting to wonder how Darren got every note in places for him to find it without having Chris notice him. He hadn't seen Darren all day. Apparently he was around all the time, maybe even watching him. He was overwhelmed by his mixed feelings. He wanted to see Darren, but if he would see him he wouldn't know what to say. He wanted Darren to see him smile at the notes, but he wanted to seem independent too.

Chris felt something lightly hit his head. It didn't hurt, he barely noticed it. He knew who must have thrown it at him. When he saw the little ball of notebook paper on the floor he knew he was right.

Chris unfolded the paper.

**I love that you struggle with your tie sometimes.**

_Chris had been in front of the mirror for about ten minutes. He let out a frustrated sigh. A second reflection appeared in the mirror. "What's wrong?" Darren asked. Chris pointed at the loose tie around his neck. Darren chuckled. "You are a big boy, big boys should know how to dress themselves." Darren teased and started tying Chris' tie._

_"I know how to tie a tie, but sometimes it just won't cooperate." Chris pouted._

_Darren just laughed and straightened the tie with a kiss on his boyfriend's nose. He loved doing those little things for Chris. It made him feel like they were a little family._

Chris ran in the director where he thought he had heard Darren run. He forgot his Diet Coke and his bag, so a few seconds later he came back, running. He grabbed the belongings and turned around. He didn't find Darren. He did, however, find Harry who stopped him by jumping in front of him. After steadying both of them Harry gave him another piece of paper.

**I love the way your hair sticks out every way in the morning.**

_"Okay, keep your eyes closed." Chris ordered Darren the first morning they woke up together._

_Darren covered his eyes with his hands. "Why?" He asked curiously._

_Chris was trying to find a brush to get his hair in control. "You don't want to see me like this." Was Chris' answer._

_Darren just peeked through his fingers and decided he liked the look on Chris._

To Chris' surprise Harry was still there after his short daydream. He knew Harry knew where Darren was. "Where did he go?" Chris asked. He didn't think Harry needed a name to know who they were talking about. Harry pointed to the left and Chris ran in that direction. He should have known Darren had given Harry orders to send him the wrong way.

After running for five minutes Chris realised he wasn't going to find Darren. But he knew exactly what he could find. More notes. He looked on every door, window, chair, table, mirror, wall, drink, car and person he could find. His searching had resulted in six more notes.

**I love that you laugh at my horrible jokes.**

Chris remembered the numerous times he laughed at Darren's jokes as if they were the funniest things Chris had ever heard. If someone else would have told the jokes Chris would have thought they were lame. But something about Darren made him laugh at anything he said.

The first thing Chris noticed was that the next note was written in blue instead of black like the others. He wondered why.

**I love that I know you're wondering why I changed colour. (My pen was out of ink)**

Chris couldn't help but smile at how well Darren knew him. Even in the past he could read his mind. Darren knew him and what was on his mind. Even the small things like the colour of a pen.

**I love that you're the biggest nerd I've ever met.**

_"Is that what I think it is?" Darren asked, pointing at the hairy thing in the corner of Chris' bedroom._

_"Depends on what you think it is." Chris replied playfully._

_"Is it a stuffed Chewbacca?" Darren asked, studying the thing in wonder._

_"Not quite." Chris said and picked it up. "It's a backpack." He showed Darren._

_Darren's jaw was on the floor. "That is the hottest thing I've ever seen."_

**I love that you like to hold me when we go to sleep.**

_"You're short." Chris stated when Darren climbed in bed._

_Darren didn't know how to reply to the random comment on his heights. "Thanks for pointing that out?" He said awkwardly._

_"It means you're the little spoon." Chris said and wrapped his arms around Darren._

**I love that you still have that crush on the pink power ranger.**

_Chris literally squealed when he saw the Power Rangers were on tv. He immediately stopped everything he was doing and focused on the screen. "Which one is your favorite?" Darren asked, wondering what practically drew Chris to the screen._

_"The pink one. I used to have a crush on the pink one." Chris said, eyes never leaving the screen. Something made Darren think Chris wasn't completely over his crush._

**I love your voice.**

_Darren held his phone close to Chris' face. "You could just download a song." Chris told him and pushed the phone away._

_Darren pouted. "No, I want a real song. One for me, not the rest of the world." Darren fluttered his eyelashes. "Pretty please?" He begged._

_Chris couldn't say no to that face. He took the phone and recorded the song Darren had asked him to sing. "Just my ringtone, okay? I don't want everyone to hear me sing whenever you get called." Darren nodded, but set it as his regular ringtone anyway._

Chris found out about Darren's pattern. He placed the notes everywhere when Chris was in his trailer, when Chris wasn't in his trailer he made sure another load of notes was placed in there.

Chris tried to return to his trailer when he had a little bit time left.

A note on the door.

**I love how you can laugh at me, but it never hurts.**

_"Okay, lunch is ready." Darren said, proudly carrying a tray of food to the living room. "It's-" He was about to tell Chris what he had made for their lunch, but he cut himself off to let out a yelp. He tripped over his own feet and fell face-down on the floor. The tray landed two feet away from him, the food and drinks were spread all over the carpet._

_Chris was on the couch. He had perfect view on the crash and couldn't suppress his laughter. He knew it wasn't appropriate for him to laugh that hard when Darren was on the floor, probably with some injury. "I'm sorry." He apologized without stopping his laughter. "You looked so stupid." He laughed. He heard how mean it sounded, but Darren didn't seem to be hurt by it at all._

A note on a can of Diet Coke in the fridge.

**I love that you sometimes annoy me with random facts.**

_Chris knew he could be annoying. But when he started talking about the Royal Family he just couldn't stop. A lot of his friends would beg him to stop, stop listening or walk away when the fun-facts got too much for them. But Darren didn't. Darren listened to whatever he said and tried his best to look interested._

_That's how Chris found himself sitting on his couch, Darren's head leaning on his shoulder. "And Queen Elizabeth-" A snore interrupted his story. Only then he noticed Darren had fallen asleep on his shoulder._

Chris' stomach growled when he read the note. He couldn't remember if he had eaten that day, so he decided to grab the lunch he had packed in the morning. He opened his lunch box and wondered how that note ended up on top of his sandwich.

**I love that I know you're wondering how this ended up in your lunch and you're pouting right now, because I'm right.**

Chris instantly noted he was, like the note said, pouting a little at how easy it was for Darren to predict what he would do.

He took out a sandwich and ate it while going around his trailer to find more notes.

He saw one on his window.

**I love that your imagination is almost as crazy as mine.**

_"How did you write two musicals about Harry Potter?" Chris asked the random mental question out loud. "Your imagination is crazy." He stated._

_"Excuse me," Darren said in mock offense. "but yours isn't any less crazy. You wrote a book about a magical land, that takes some imagination too."_

_Chris raised an eyebrow. "But, seriously, the scarve of sexual preference?" He questioned with a smile playing on his lips. "Who came up with that?"_

_"Your boyfriend did." Darren answered proudly._

One on his mirror.

**I love that I came home to an empty fridge because I'm always at your place.**

Darren lived in a very small apartment. The small amount of space that was left after stuffing the apartment with all of his instruments was barely enough for Darren. So they were more comfortable at Chris' apartment. Chris realised Darren practically lived with him.

Chris wondered how Darren had managed to stick a note to the ceiling, because Chris couldn't even reach it. With some awkward jumping he managed to get the note off the ceiling.

**I love that you can't fall asleep unless you're on the left side of the bed lying on your right side.**

_Chris had been tossing and turning for an hour. He couldn't get comfortable. He had tried every position, but sleep wouldn't come. He turned to his side and noticed the wall was closer than ever. He was on the wrong side of the bed. He climbed to Darren's other side and poked him to make him roll over. Chris got comfortable on his side and let his eyes fall shut._

He found one in the top drawer of his desk.

**I love that we're not perfect.**

So many moments hand been ruined. There had been so many almost perfect, romantic moments that one of them ruined with a badly timed bathroom stop or a ringing phone. They were almost a couple you would see on tv, but they always ended up laughing at how quickly it was ruined.

Another note on the small television.

**I love that I know how to make you smile by using only one look.**

_Chris slammed the fridge shut. "Are you mad at me?" Darren asked._

_"You told me there would be Diet Coke and there is none. Of course I'm mad at you!" Chris said forcefully. Darren got an idea. He was going to use The Look. "That's not fair." Chris tried to hold back a smile when he saw Darren's expression. "That look is mean." He said, smiling openly._

_"It made you smile." Darren said and received an eye roll in return._

When Chris couldn't find any more notes in his trailer he left to see if there were more outside. He opened the door and was immediately greeted with the sight of a Diet Coke with a note on the floor.

**I love that you're less scarred of spiders than me.**

_"Chris!" Darren yelled in horror and was in his boyfriend's lap in a split second._

_"What?" Chris asked, wondering what got Darren upset._

_"Spider! Spider!" Darren yelled and pointed at the floor._

_Chris froze when he saw the spider. "You're scared of spiders?" Chris asked, slightly giggling. He was trying to remain calm, because he was very scared of spiders himself._

_"You think?" Darren squeaked._

_"Me too." Chris admitted, still watching the spider with wide eyes._

_"What should we do?" Darren asked desperately. "I'm not touching the monster." Darren said, quickly making clear that wasn't going to happen._

_"I'll do it." Chris said, feeling heroic. "Don't be scared, I'll protect you." He joked and walked to the spider. He made quick work of killing the insect._

_"My hero!" Darren said dramatically and jumped in his arms._

Chris was disappointed to find out there were no more notes. He looked everywhere, but the little surprises on paper were gone. He had expected Darren to come talk to him when he was done with leaving notes, but Mark told him Darren had gone home. Chris was supposed to be recording a song, but he was too distracted. They had told him to go home and try again later.

When he walked to his car he saw a piece of paper on the window. He ran to his car, eager to read what it said.

**I secretly love the look you give me when I'm being childish.**

_"I want to watch Sleeping Beauty!" Chris wondered once again why he chose a boyfriend that acted like a two year old girl. Darren had been whining for over ten minutes._

_"I don't want a Disney movie tonight." Chris sighed._

_"But it's Disney!" Darren exclaimed. "Disney is magical awesomeness!" He explained with a twinkle in his eyes. "Please?" He begged. Chris was so annoyed he gave in._

That made Chris drive home with a smile on his face. The smile widened when he arrived at his door and there was another note.

**I love the way our hands fit together.**

_"What are you doing?" Chris asked when Darren was snapping shots of their linked hands._

_"Taking pictures." Darren simply answered and snapped another shot._

_"Why are you taking pictures of our hands?" Sometimes Chris questioned what it was that made Darren so special to him. Then he realised it were those little weird things that made him interesting._

_"I like the way they look together."_

Chris opened the door and walked the small hallway to the living room. He wasn't expecting to find Darren in the middle of the room. When Chris was about to ask what he was doing in his his apartment Darren stepped towards him and handed him a note like all the others.

**I love you.**

Was all is said. Chris looked up to Darren and saw he was holding out another note to him. Chris took it.

**I hope you love me back.**

Chris was disappointed in what he read on the paper. That day he had realised he was very much in love with Darren and he wanted to tell Darren, but he still thought it was wrong that Darren was asking him to say it.

**You don't have to say it.**

Said the next note. That kind of managed to take the pressure away. Darren handed him his last note.

**You just have to hear it.**

Chris thought about all the little moments he had remembered that day. The saying 'you don't know what you've got till it's gone' was a perfect description of what he was feeling. He didn't just want to hear or know that Darren loved him. He wanted Darren to know it too.

Before Chris could say anything Darren was down on one knee. "Oh?" He asked, curious for what was coming. It looked like Darren was about to propose. "_Oh._" He spoke, eyes wide with horror when he realised Darren _was_ about to propose to him. "Don't be crazy." He told Darren and tugged at his shirt to get him to stand up. "Please get up." Chris begged. "Darren, get up." He demanded when Darren wouldn't move.

"Don't freak out." Darren tried to calm Chris down. "This is not what it looks like." It was no use. Chris was freaking out anyway.

"It'd better not be." Chris said in absolute panic. "I'm sorry. I'm too young to-"

Darren squeezed Chris' hand to silence him. "I said it's not what it looks like." He successfully calmed his- whatever they were at that point. "This is just-" Darren looked for the right words. "I want you to know I really mean this." He said and took a deep breath before he started the little speech he had rehearsed over and over in his head. "I will be in this position later on, if you allow me to. I would be the happiest man if I would have the chance to really ask the question one day. Because I want that. With you. I want all of it. I can't promise you I won't be an idiot, because that is who I am. But I can promise you to always put effort in getting it right again. I am promising you right now to explain myself, to apologize, to understand you, to be honest, to never stop loving you, to always try to make you happy, to do everything in my power to keep you safe, to always support you no matter what." He got a little ring box out of his pocket and opened it to reveal a simple ring. "Christopher Paul Colfer, will you please forgive me?" Darren asked. Chris was speechless. He didn't say anything for a good two minutes. Darren couldn't take it anymore. "I would like to point out this is not an engagement ring. Not even a promise ring if you don't want that. Just a forgiveness ring?" He tried take the pressure away.

Chris freed his hand from Darren's. He took the notes Darren had personally handed him in both hands and ripped them in half. Darren was visibly hurt. Chris was too, because Darren got the wrong message. "I did that because those notes said I don't have to tell you how I feel. I want to tell you." Chris said. Darren looked up at him with tears in his eyes. "I love you." Chris said. Simple as that. Three little words. Three words he had never said to a guy before. Three words that made Darren's day. "Come on, put that ring on me, Mr. Stupidhead." He said, yanking Darren off the ground.

"Mr. Stupidhead?" Darren questioned while taking the ring out of the box with a bright smile.

"It's your new name," Chris answered. "get used to it." He warned playfully.

"You can call me whatever you want." Darren couldn't care less about the name. He couldn't care less that the ring didn't fit. All he cared about was that Chris was back in his arms and it was going to stay that way.


End file.
